thatsciencelady

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

http://t.co/Nv4dmwFQk5 Had my son's hearing tested because he's always yelling. Turns out he's just an asshole :(

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

http://t.co/WgvEUxCSR4 Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

When preparing blood sausage, never cook it in the same pan as crip sausage. http://t.co/kCwaIfUBHW

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

Maybe it's the LSD talking but I am the walrus goo goo goo joob. http://t.co/clHxNSLWQx

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

http://t.co/aeMcCSLsvI How do you guys tweet from the toilet? I poop with both hands.

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

http://t.co/SoXsgp0VpN I don't call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

It's not a nap if you never got out of bed. http://t.co/OJXpKaiuO9

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

http://t.co/RRGZKxHFEz "that's the power of German engineering" is a great slogan for your product if you're selling fear

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

http://t.co/tSSBzI5Mi4 "Hey, enough with the damn songs! We're all studying for finals." -rest of the school on Glee

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

My son's favorite toy is the free blood pressure machine at Walgreens. http://t.co/LFnSclLeWg

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

In Hidden Valley, childhood obesity is covered up in creamy ranch dressing. http://t.co/LnKH4qsbSW

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman. http://t.co/5xlJH0SXl1

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you? http://t.co/MiGMTycPBy

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

http://t.co/790s6mtH7O Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell.

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby. http://t.co/eCvbHUN2CM

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass. http://t.co/iZNMjhYlnJ

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

http://t.co/p3RakJe14j Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity.

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

http://t.co/bv7xnpCTrK "It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

shoutout to social anxiety but very quietly and while no one is looking http://t.co/YULUZ7uN

[thatsciencelady @thatsciencelady]

http://t.co/0zDv3kxb "I'd tap that." ~tap dancer, about a song he really likes