Sim

The liberal queer Jewish lawyer your parents warned you about. I probably like my furbabies more than I like you.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

My friends kids are really like whole humans now and my baby cousins are driving and phew when did I become old????

[Sim @theBatJeww]

Using AI to rewrite my emails has been the best way to break the “no worries if not!” Aggressively passive millennial nonsense I default too. Love it.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

Jeebus fuck how are we 13 points down against SERBIA?! In BASKETBALL?!

[Sim @theBatJeww]

The problem with picking up rugby is that while I do feel much stronger, all the beer is preventing my belly from getting smaller so I’m starting to look like a buff Gru 😂😂😂

[Sim @theBatJeww]

Some feedback I’ve gotten recently at work is that I’m “too amiable” in court and with my case strategies.

I think I need to go to therapy to become more of an asshole? Is this a thing? What do I do?

[Sim @theBatJeww]

Opposing counsel recently told me I could call him anytime to discuss the case and that he “works all the time” and his wife hates him for it. My guy…it is 2024, toxic workalicness is not cute anymore. Please take care of your marriage.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

God this debate is so fucking painful I had to come back to Twitter to complain about it.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

It wouldn’t ruin it per se but I would completely control the conversation because let me tell you the tea over here in Family Law world is Piping Hot™️.

[Barred and Bearded @RileeDHarrison]

Me, a lawyer - your honor may I approach.
Judge - you may approach
Me - *whispers* am I doing a good job?

[Sim @theBatJeww]

Just had a call with a client where he decides that now is the time to tell me that he’s in a polyamorous throuple. Ok sir. I mean yes i should know this but it was just…wow.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

I have so much respect for attorneys who hang their own shingles less than 5 years outta law school. I’m in my 4th year of practice and I feel like I don’t know shit.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

All I knew in law school was I didn’t want to go into criminal law. Got an inkling for family law after working for a couple of them, did a stint doing consumer bankruptcy, then juvenile dependency, then went back to family and I’ll stay here forever.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

But also I’m Jewish and we don’t even name the baby until it survives its first week cuz we’re a skeptical people.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

People really are out here announcing pregnancies during the first trimester?! Couldn’t be me.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

Damn I just listened to Cowboy Carter enough times that it’s imprinted on my brain, now I got new T-Swift? Praise.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

Not me feeling nostalgic looking at an old law professors class blog on a Friday morning.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

This is the first time in my life I’ve owed taxes, and looking at this marginal tax rate I’m understanding why people become Repubs. Like I’m not gonna do it. But damn do I give the government a lot of money lol.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

(Because I’m cute and have a nice smile). They should know that we’ve met.

[Sim @theBatJeww]

Honestly I thought being cute and having a nice smile would get me further in life but here I have this DFCS attorney referring me to the statute to get records and I’m like OBVIOUSLY I know this I was just asking nicely in case you would just hand them over without the subpoena

[Sim @theBatJeww]

It’s frustrating being a fat person and being on a new fitness journey, joining rugby has been so great and physically I feel like I’ve gotten much more fit but I don’t look it at all lol. Like I have so much more muscle than two months ago! Can you see them? No.