Mr D

Wanted by the grammar police. Mainly silly (bad) jokes, which I try to keep original or as original as a dodgy joke can be. #puns. I rarely respond to DMs

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

Doctors swear to follow the standards of a blood sucking parasite that lives between the bum cheeks of a hippopotamus.

It's the hippo crack-tick oath

#lunchpun
#BADjokeFriday

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

What's Silicon and a person the directs an orchestra of partially aroused men got in common

They are both semiconductors

#lunchpun

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

Fact of the day????
The only Rodger Hargreaves book to be banned by the NHS is' little Miss Diagnosis'

#lunchpun

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

I was at a Christmas market eating a gingerbread man. He said pack it in I'm trying to sell gingerbread

#lunchpun

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

@Telegraph @alexlarman Could get the cockney vote was these two #banknoteanimals
@bankofengland

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

Mrs D is never happy. One minute, she's all. 'I wish you had the body of an olympic swimmer', but then she all why's there someone with speedos on in the chest freezer'!!

#lunchpun

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

@EssexPoliceUK parking in the exit junction to a school forcing people exiting junction to go on wrong side of road- reportable offence? Pic below, I have dashcam video also

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

I went to a shop to buy extra headroom. Luckily it was a clearance sale

#lunchpun
#sillysaturday

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

@BBCSport

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

Not wanting to get political but this does make sense!!!
#budget
#tax #Christmas25

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

My girlfriend is always on the fence

I don't see the attraction of people that handle stolen goods

#lunchpun

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

There's a conspiracy theory that to save space in bedrooms, people would stack beds. This has, however, been debunked #lunchpun #mondaymirth

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

@ITV watching @tomallencomedy on parents evening quiz. They robbed Tom of the jackpot because eddie the Eagle was given as wrong answer for football masot. But Eddie eagle is mascot for @ColU_Official

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

Look in the sky...is it a bird .... is it a plane ..... no it's time stopped working for air traffic control.

#mondaymirth

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

Fact of the day???

People who avoid dairy products are more likely to discriminate against people with no digits on their feet. This is because they're Lack toes intolerant,

##sillysaturday

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

@PenderynWhisky

Very nice bit of whisky.

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

#breakingnews‌
The National Trust is to pay millions of pounds of compensation to tourists after scientists reveal Cheddar Gorge is not made out of cheese

#wednesdaywit

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

I used to do impressions of my work colleagues. That's why play doh fired me.

#lunchpun

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

As a dyslexic man on the Internet, don't quite understand my compulsion to send duck pics

#lunchpun

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

Science fact of the day??!!??

The 119th element on the periodic tabel has the chemical symbol Boo

This is the element of surprise

#sidesplittingsunday
#lunchpun

[Mr D @theRealDanMayBe]

This is possibly the worst football biography ever. Not one single mention about playing for Argentina or Barcelona!!!!
#lunchpun #badjokethursday