Denver

An isolated, morally-conflicted dinosaur trying to live in a world that fears non-conformity. He's also the world's first reptilian gynecologist.

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

@theRealGynosaur, 38 million years old, Guilty of humorless tweeting, #DeathRecorded

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

Disappointed in last night’s #GameOfThronesFinale. I found it to be too chaotic and confusing. In fairness, it may have made more sense had I watched the previous 70 episodes.

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

Have an enemy? Don’t respond to anger with anger, instead kill him w/ kindness. A co-worker used to bully me constantly. So I decided to bring him a dozen donuts every morning. My plan is working. Over the past yr, he has gained 37 lbs & was just diagnosed with type II diabetes.

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

I just read that Garfunkel wasn’t even invited to Neil Simon’s funeral. Troubled Waters, indeed.

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

Ran into my old roommate. He still can’t get over his break-up with his college gf.Back then, he was a big shot actor on campus &thought she was beneath him.Years later, Charlie can’t find any stage roles for tiny red dinosaurs& she landed a major print campaign. #whoknew

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

I’m so embarrassed. When I moved into my new home and introduced myself to my neighbor, I thought he said his name was Marc. Turns out I misheard him and his name is actually Mark, with a “k”. I’ve been calling him the wrong name this whole time & he’s never corrected me.

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

DM’s!!! It’s DM’s?!? I’ve been asking women if I could slide into their BM’s!

Oh well, I have met some interesting women.

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

Does anyone know of a store that sells sexy ladies’ undergarments that are big enough to fit a full grown dinosaur? I’m not asking for me. I’m asking for a friend who wants to buy it for me.

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

Follow me on Twitter - @theRealGynosaur

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

My vow of silence is over! I sworn to refrain from tweeting till I got a seventh follower, and it worked. @kristen05626508 is now following me!! (Don’t let that seemingly random set of numbers fool you, she is not a bot. 05,626,508 is her lucky number.)

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

This "shaming" thing has gone too far. I witnessed someone breaking into a car and called the cops. When my neighbor found out, he accused me of "thief shaming."

(In fairness, he became very apologetic after I accused him of "shame shaming").

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

Change is scary. It's why I wear the same work pants 4 days a week. (We have #CasualFridays at the #Clinic, which means I can wear jeans and don't have to wash my hands!)

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

So this just happened:

Me: Hey Tim, can you help me grab the box off the top shelf?

Tim: Get it yourself, you tiny-armed pervert!

I understand the pervert thing since I secretly dated his 16 y/o daughter for over a year. But the "tiny-armed" remark was just plain #rude.

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

I predict in 20 years our kids will all laugh at the current hysteria concerning #ArtificialIntelligence taking over the world, mostly because they will have been ordered to do so by their sadistic computer overlords. @elonmusk #skynet

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

I just developed a new app -- Ubr, a combination of @Uber and @Tindr. When you want a cab, you browse pics of cabbies in your area. If you like one, swipe left. Only if the cabbie likes what he/she sees and also swipes left, will the cabbie be given your address.

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

I looked up the word "boss" in the dictionary. Did you know the plural of "boss" is "beeses." No joke! #GrammarFacts

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

This is in poor taste and way too soon. #StayWoke

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

.@realDonaldTrump and the @GOP just passed a tax bill that heavily favors the extremely wealthy and screws over the little people. Well, the little people and at least one 40 foot tall reptilian gynecologist. #sad #TaxHeist

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

I hate it when females use outdated photos for their Dindr profile pics. Then you meet them and you're like "girl, ain't no way you're only 3 tons!"

It's fine though. My standards arent that high. As long as you're not extinct, you're my type.
#Dating

[Denver @theRealGynosaur]

Shout out to @Patrici14969474 -- my first bot follower! What we have is truly special. Remember me when SkyNet takes over the world. #JudgmentDay