The Warlock Times

Daily news from the unreported Otherworld. • • • Winner of the 2020 Excellence in Prophecy Award. • • • Established 1712 CE

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

Are you a parent dealing with #toddler #nightmares? Before reading those parenting books or hiring a #sleepconsultant, consider whether your child's crushing fears are actually reasonable responses to a horrific reality. Perhaps waking in a sweat screaming is just...a precaution.

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

Fears of overpopulation in the #afterlife lead more #cult-leaders to offer alternative post-life options to their adherents. Interest in lesser reincarnation, eternal void, and #undeath is up. Magically-induced stasis is down, especially among millennial women. #feminism #ttrpg

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

Sentient fungi, native to the French Pyrenees, have in the last decade established immigrant populations around the world. A large colony in Idaho's Sawtooth Range fruited for the first time this week. It's singing mushrooms say the organism is optimistic about the future. #TTRPG

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

Editorial: Can we take a moment to appreciate how truly horrifying the word 'cockroach' is? Just look at it: #COCKroach.

cock. roach.

Never has a word so perfectly evoked a thing so well: the spine-tingling revulsion of its presence. The lingering discomfort after it's gone.

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

Department of Inevitability releases new guidelines for determining when #YouAreOfficiallyAnAdult. New additions include: decreased sensitivity to #shadowpeople; feelings of helplessness against the crushing weight of #capitalism; myopia in #thirdeye; noxious, arcane flatulence.

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

@G_Dubbz05 @fabled42 @AliciaMarieBODY @BDaveWalters @TJStorm01 @BrianaDeCoster @Raini_Fro Check out @WagaduChronicle for an entire excellent afrofantasy setting. Not exactly Wakanda, but super sweet in its own right.

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

American #Thanksgiving is tomorrow and #clerics urge the public to honor the #reasonfortheseason: groveling to appease Mother Chaos, who birthed our universe from the energy of our predecessors who she devoured in spite for not loving her enough. Don't let it happen again! #dnd

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

The #DarkLord Iziphor, of #Cleveland, has been killed by Elindor, #Paladin of Light. Their years-long struggle was watched closely by #wizards across the entire US. Last year, Elindor narrowly avoided cancellation due to a sexist tweet, later reinventing himself as a #woke icon.

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

Storms off the coast of #Maine have hidden multiple islands from view and scrambled #Muggle radar technology. At least one island—#Chebeague—also appears to no longer exist on the material plane.
We are following this developing story. Check back for updates.

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

Recent study suggests #cats and #feline #familiars spend almost twice as much time in the Shadow Realm as previously thought - up to 70% of their day - and may traverse the threshold as often as ten times an hour, even while their physical forms sleep. #witchesoftwitter #familiar

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

"It just annoys me that people think we #DeadVoters are a monolithic voting block," says chattering skeleton. "We are individuals. I'm more of a #TrumpGal myself. And I'm not just voting that way because my necromancer overlord told me to. I hate it when people imply that."

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

Two generations in and the #púca-American community continues to defy categorization. Are they culturally closer to #IrishAmerican mortals or to their Irish #fairy kin? Do they ignore the Witch's Census in protest of #béarla, or just to be troublesome gobshites? #gaeilge #síog

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

Americans looking for a #distraction on Election Night increasingly turn to staring blankly into the dark. Consider giving in to #despair, say mental domination experts.

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

Experts debunk theory that the "#mega-murder" of crows that has darkened the skies over #Manchester for the last week is #climatechange related. "Just regular witchcraft" says UK's top scientist.

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

Goblin rights advocates warn of an impending rise in illegal goblin trafficking due to the popularity of #TheMandalorian TV series. Last year's introduction of the show led to a so-called "#BabyYoda-bump" in the demand for goblins as #familiars and infant replacements. #goblins

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

The election is days away, but remember the process for supporting each candidate is different. #Biden supporters must #MaskUpAndVote at their local polling place. #TeamTrump is called to walk outside under the #BlueMoon and scream his #eldritch name three times into the night.

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

Reports of shadowy figures visiting #ballotdropbox in Wisconsin and later dissolving into flock of ravens and unearthly screams raises fears of voter fraud among mortals. Warlock advocacy groups insist no laws broken. #witchthevote #VoterFraud #hexthepatriarchy #VoterFraudIsReal

[The Warlock Times @theWarlockTimes]

When celebrating the thinning of the Veil, please remember to practice #SocialDistancing so as to prevent the spread of #faeriecough. Also #MaskUp with the skin of a virgin over your mouth AND nose, people. It 👏 won't 👏 defeat 👏 itself. #Halloween2020 #occult #witchcraft