Riley Teague

[Jeremy Homan @jhoman29]

Who wants to help me get to 250 RTs?

[UnDo 512 @undo512]

i have a rare condition that makes me send seven texts in a row when it could have easily just been one text

[UnDo 512 @undo512]

i don’t have seasonal depression this is just the time of year when i choose to sit in the shower 30 minutes a day, for personal reasons

[UnDo 512 @undo512]

being in your 20s is ALL about having no groceries and waking up feeling impenetrable dread if you are doing anything else you’re doing it wrong

[Laurazepam @andlikelaura]

me at 9: i can’t wait to be a grown up

me now: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

[UnDo 512 @undo512]

i’m one of those people who was ugly as a kid and then had to develop a personality and got funny but instead of that i developed anxiety and stayed ugly

[Slutz @Slutz13]

Minnesota weather just straight up hurts my feelings

[Skoog @Skoog]

cow: slap it!

me: [slaps it]

cow: tickle it!

me: [tickles it]

cow: you want that milk?

me: yeah

cow: i said YOU WANT THAT MILK?

me: YEAH MOTHER FUCKER

cow: THEN PULL IT BITCH

me: [pulls it]

cow: MOOOO

[Kyle 🌱 @KylePlantEmoji]

Them: wanna hang out on Friday?

Me, stressed: yeah, like the ONLY PERSON WHO CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES is just gonna take a night off

[chad @badboychadhoy]

my gut tells me to marry a goth woman with a septum piercing who is covered in tattoos and my mind tells me to marry a woman whose favorite movie is legally blonde but really I’ll marry any woman who shows interest in me

[Bob @AryaGoonin]

I’m still alive but I’m barely yeeting

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

When did they become starfish?

[UnDo 512 @undo512]

imagine if i ever got tired of making coffee memes