Jaime Lannister

I'm the pretty one. Also, handy with a sword. I love my family. Possibly too much.

(I'm not the real one on HBO or in the books. Part of #fakewesteros.)

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

Sometimes, I think I'm my father's favorite! :D ...But then I realize it's because I have a penis and am over 5 feet tall. :( :(

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

And I was like, "Why, are you eating powdered sugar donuts and jumping on the bed again?" He wasn't amused. :(

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

So, this one time, @King_Robert_I was like, "If the bedchamber's rockin', don't come knockin'!" cont'd

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

This one time, I was playing ball with @THE_JOFF_ and was all like, "OH YEAH, WHO'S YOUR DADDY? I'M YOUR DADDY, THAT'S WHO!" ..Oops. #mybad

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

So, this one time, I was captured, right? And I was all like, "UNHAND ME!" ...Oops.

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

Has anyone told @TheRobbStark that he's a sniveling girl today? Because if not, someone really should. #kinginthenorthmyattractivearseheis

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

#SingleBecause I love my sister. And wouldn't want another woman to take her place. #onmyhammer #andbyhammerithinkyouknowwhatimean #ohyeah

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

The Kingslayer Award for Best of Breed goes to @LadyAryaStark. Obedience Class award to @Lady_Sansa. Best in show to @The_Bran_Stark #woof

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

This trend couldn't have come at a better time! :D Dear ladies of #westeros on #gameofthrones, yes, seemingly ALL of you, #wesawyourboobs

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

@Miami_Fire Oh, we do a dance. But, ahem, privately. #forverygoodreasons

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

(Sidenote: I may not be the clever one, but I wonder why so many ladies of #westeros feel the need to bare their bosoms so frequently...)

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

Best Breasts: @Queen_Cersei and @NiceQueenCersei, of course. Though a big thank you to the many, many ladies who've bared theirs on the show

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

Annnd the next Kingslayer Award, for Bastard With Best Hair goes @JonBastSnow (sorry, @GendryTheBull and @THE_JOFF_ .) #itwasntcloseatall

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

Screw the Oscars. Who wants a Kingslayer Award? First up, Father Of The Year goes to @Tywin_Lannister. #trulystellar #notatallfuckedup

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

If I'm not getting an award, I don't care who does. #soverypretty #andclever #whywonttheynoticeme #oscars2013

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

JAIME LANNISTER'S THINGS THAT ARE OVERRATED 3) The throne. Gods, it's a fucking chair, usually filled with a madman or a fool. #notformekthx

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

JAIME LANNISTER'S THINGS THAT ARE OVERRATED 2) Whores. Sorry, @Tyrion_Halfman, but why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

@NiceQueenCersei Do you truly get lovelier every day?

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

JAIME LANNISTER'S THINGS THAT ARE OVERRATED 1) All Starks, everywhere. Winter, wolves, and so much whiiiining. #winteriscoming #stfu

[Jaime Lannister @the_kingslayer]

Yes, please. @Queen_Cersei My Septa taught me not to swear, and not to have sex with my brother. Fuck that.