Twisted Headlines

The news as it didn't happen.

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Russian children receive a sternly-worded official document explicitly barring them from wearing a plague doctor outfit and mask this halloween

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Following shooting, Montrealers rally against incel ideology under new "Get Fucked!" campaign

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Several days after sustaining a severe injury in the Canada-vs-Qatar game, Ismaël Koné forced to reach out to social media to inquire about connections/favours to get seen by a doctor sooner

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NTSB investigators continue facing significant security line delays attempting to reach LaGuardia crash site

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Aviation industry taking a page from the maritime industry playbook, insists that the front is not supposed to fall off.

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Infectious diseases to hold a celebratory rally in Florida after legislators end all vaccination requirements

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Astronomer CEO Andy Byron is expected to post a negative Google review in the next few hours, citing an underwhelming Coldplay concert and unsatisfactory overall evening

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Ultra-marathoner furious after finally reading her employer's 401k guide 16 months after signing up

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Accountants at several news corporations now eyeing savings potential of hiring aviation experts as full-time staff

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Military analysts suspect Trump's comments regarding DEI may indicate some level of unfamiliarity with "Blackhawk" nomenclature

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Saudi Arabia says LGBTQ+ soccer fans welcome, death penalty concerns "hugely overblown"

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Silicon Valley tech company accidentally pivots into data piracy instead of data privacy after what the CEO calls an "incomprehensible failure in proofreading"

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Boeing stock continues to tumble as investigators find that when one door closes, another one opens

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South Korean couples unable to find the time to answer government questionnaire about why they're not having kids

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Kevin McCarthy says he completely misunderstood the whole thing about a new speaker for his house

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Silicon Valley companies are notifying their employees remote work may only be allowed for employees in the Rémote region of France

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Uber Eats to consider new services next year to address the needs of those who don't even feel like chewing

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Canada investigating whether the Canada Toronto Fuqing Business Association was a front for the Chinese government or a legitimate Fuqing Business Association

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Minority groups advocates says Britain appointing a man queen is a step in the right direction

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Texas mandates "In God We Trust" signs in schools but stops short of requiring them to be bulletproof