Alice Burrell

Quantum physicist turned data analyst: seamstress, sailor, stitcher, singer.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

"If we both refuse to mow the lawn then mum will have to raise the payment!"
My kids have unionised.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

@thryxtildaa Not when he's calling his brother a "Cox" 😭

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

11yo: mum's a pink lady apple, granny is a granny smith apple, grandpa is a jazz apple and my brother is... a cox apple.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

Me: don't let the cat eat my plant! It's got green leaves!
11yo: Correction. Leaf.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

Piggybacking the 11yo up the stairs: Don't worry! I got the bannister! Although it won't do terribly much...

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

11yo: I once did a panorama of my butt. It was quite beige.. but brown in some places.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

12yo: I got Dad the forbidden hummus.
Me: The what?!
12yo: A bucket of cement.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

12yo: Mum, did you know? My friend Paddy is actually Irish!

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

10yo: "food alarm activated."
Both chant: "I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I'm hungry."

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

Me: what does Darth Sidious look like?
10yo: Emperor Palpatine
Me: ...and what does Emperor Palpatine look like?
10yo: Darth Sidious.

Me: Roger, what does Darth Sidious look like?
Roger: Your mum.

I'm getting nowhere here.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

Newsflash: ice is food.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

Google translate of this greek jam caused endless joy.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

Teacher: Why were you moved in assembly?
10yo: I farted.
Teacher: It can't be only that.
10yo: It literally was just that.
Teacher: Did you giggle as well then?
10yo: 'course I did. I farted!

10yo Found the whole thing hilarious and highlight of the day.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

10yo: you're so dumb you think drain is spelled drian and brain is spelled Brian.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

Kids are not silent at bed time, giggling is loud.
Dad: "tomorrow's chocolate ration is at risk, the yampy scale is through the roof."
12yo: "what about the furry scale? Ruff-ruff" (impression of dog barking)

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

12yo: "puh-tol-uh-me" (ptolemy)
Grandpa: "no, it's tol-uh-me, the p is silent, as in bath."

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

Me: When you're snorkeling, maybe the fish will nibble you, that will be cute
10yo: I'll just punch them.

Okay then.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

10yo: "When I see three things, that's Claire. Or the number 3, that's Claire too."
Me: "How many traffic cones are there? What about that number on the speed sign?"
10yo: "Stop it, you're trying to make Claire not special."
Apparently Claire also associated with round things.

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

12yo: "The smell of America: eagle shit, hotdogs and gasoline."

[Alice Burrell @thebuttonship]

Normalise monogrammed socks as not posh. Everyone in this house wears the same size men's socks (women's socks are crap quality, avoid). I don't have the mental energy to remember who has stripes Vs days of the week Vs rockets and I don't want smelly bloke socks on my feet.