TheCaptainC

Conservative and believe in the Constitution. Independent after being a lifelong Republican. Hardcore Oakland Raiders and Washington Capitals fan.

[Mila Joy @Milajoy]

Where's all my Gen X brothers and sisters?

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

When a tomcat in an eye patch tells you its time to pound some bourbon you better start drinking, motherfucker.

[Mr. Star Spangled MAGA @4thOfJuly365]

American kids don't need participation trophies, they need dodgeball injuries and the truth that life rewards the strong, not the sensitive.

Toughen up.

[TheCaptainC @TheCaptainC]

Yes, likely older than that.

[Growing Up Retro @GrowingUpRetro]

Are you this old?

[Midwest vs. The Rest @midwestern_ope]

Be like I-80, never stop working on yourself no matter how inconvenient it is for everyone else ❤️

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

Today in 1988, you excitedly rode a winning streak into a showdown against Mike Tyson and promptly got knocked the fuck out.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I requested a simple band of rubber from my host. She gestured to a drawer, and the very gesture told me everything I needed to know about American chaos.

One drawer. Every household. Always in the kitchen, and it holds the same things in every home in the nation: batteries of unknown charge. Rubber bands. A screwdriver too short for any screw. Birthday candles. Soy sauce packets. Three pens, one of which works. And a key.

The key is the part I cannot release. I have now surveyed eleven households. ALL have the key. NONE know what it opens.

"What does this open?" I asked Sue, holding it up.

"No idea. Been there since we moved in."

"Then why keep it?"

She looked at me as if I had proposed burning a shrine. "You can't throw away a KEY."

She is right. I felt it the moment she said it. A key answers to a lock somewhere. To discard it is to abandon a door you may never find. Eleven households, each guarding one orphaned promise, between the candles and the takeout menus.

In Japan, we made a national art of putting things in their proper place. I assumed the junk drawer was that art's absence. Wrong. The junk drawer IS the proper place — for things whose place has not yet been revealed. Not disorder. Faith, with a handle.

I confess my crime. I once organized Dale's junk drawer while waiting for him. Small bins. Categories. He opened it, stood silent, and said, "Where's the thing?" He could not name the thing. He knew only that it could no longer be found. I had alphabetized a treasure map. We do not speak of it.

The drawer does not need order. It needs to be opened with hope, and closed with acceptance.

I keep a junk drawer of my own now. This week it accepted a battery, a twist tie, and a key I found in the yard. I do not know what the key opens.

Into the drawer it goes. Someday, the door will announce itself.

[🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸 @Soaringeagle45]

Funny 🤣😂😎

[TheCaptainC @TheCaptainC]

@HillaryClinton Fuck right off you sleezy grifting hag, you and you're husband trashed "the People's House" and that's just what you did on the way out. You might want your just sit this one out.

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

Remember, during today's literal cage match on the White House grounds:

No matter what, it's not his house. It's our house.

Get a hat, coaster, or sticker to support groups and candidates who will respect the form AND the function of the people's house. https://t.co/yGDgJciDQZ

[J&L Historical @Jason_R_Burt]

It’s been over 25 years and I’m still not over Pvt. Jackson not making it out of the bell tower. 😭

[TheCaptainC @TheCaptainC]

The kidney stone that got stuck enough to have to be taken out with laser surgery because it was the size of Mt. Everest and was never passing. It was going to kill me first, which it almost did.

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

What's the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced in your lifetime?

I’ll go first: the kidney stone I’m currently trying to pass 😿

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

Two kids working on lung darts, one kid flipping the bird, and I think another one may be taking a hit of nitrous oxide. Just another day in the 70s.

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

This door weighed more than the entire fucking car you drive now.

[Trad West @trad_west_]

>Plot centers entirely around fighting extreme government taxation and overreach
>The Sheriff of Nottingham literally collects taxes from the church poor box
>Friar Tuck gets so fed up with the state disrespecting the Church that he physically throws hands with the Sheriff
>Casts the Crusades in a positive light
>Male protagonist who risks his life for his people
>Unapologetically traditional romance with Maid Marian without any modern subversion
>Climax is literally a raid to break political prisoners out of a corrupt jail
>Story resolves when the rightful, divinely-appointed monarch returns from the Holy Land to crush the corrupt politicians
>Ends with a beautiful church wedding and a happily ever after

We need to make Kid's stories based again

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

“Four fried chickens and a Coke.”

“And some dry white toast please.”

[Mike Bales 🫡🇺🇸 @MikeBales]

I don’t want a coffee with hints of cherry and cocoa. I want a coffee that sprints straight to my brain, flips the damn table, and yells, “WAKE THE HELL UP. We’ve got stuff to do and people to piss off.”