The Ellen Report

I’ve worked hard to be this boring. If you find my patience, please return it ASAP.

[The Ellen Report @theellenreport]

@zoozeki Are you mad at the household? Are you entertaining? Lol

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Eat dumplings

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I just asked Anthony if my dress was too short and I looked like a hooker. He said "... with a heart of gold."

Imma wear it.

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@zoozeki So squash is your "fend for yourself" night dinner.
Anthony cooks here, as you know and I think it's funny when he has that one, "i know i'm the only one who will eat this dish" on the table.

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I'm tired of pretending I like squash.

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@FlatBack_Four ok maybe i like "summer" squash, aka yellow zucchini. but not the autumn menu stuff.

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@mike_sell HA!

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@FlatBack_Four Hmm. yep. pretty much.

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Another dancer sprained her ankle after the show last night. I fell running up the stairs because I realized I forgot my fake eyelashes. I caught myself with my hands. Break a leg is not a literal thing.

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I got a SOB full on smoking on the 14R

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@LeslieCackles 🤣

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Jesus take the wheel I just watched a woman scratch her back with a chopstick at a restaurant table.

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I just looked up and she’s eating vermicelli w/chopsticks. Her dining companion is not using chopsticks.

1. I’m surprised she knows how to use them.
2. Do you think it’s the same chopstick?
3. Am I the only one mortified by this?

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It's like the universe knows you're taking a day or two extra off and is going to just drown you in stupid random work the day before.

[Historic Vids @historyinmemes]

Mom uses a trash can to contain her baby while she crochets in the park, 1969

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Cheesus Christ Superstar 🌟😉

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I realized I have not started the laundry because I do not want to put on a bra to go to the basement. Huge case for in-unit laundry.

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This is what it's like when Anthony wants to make the bed again before we go to sleep and I'm already in it, nice & comfy, with my knitting.

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Someone tell Amazon I'm not manic I'm just trying to prepare my costumes.

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This is a weekly scheduled program for my household. First one is me. The second one is him. LOL