shawshank redemption

some girl on the internet

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

Me asking John (my favorite coworker) what he knows about cloud computing:

Him: "When the clouds start computing things that's when I'm going to get concerned.

Clouds are supposed to hold.... moisture."

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

Me to my favorite coworker after I hissed like a cat at him for not liking an illustration I did:

"John am I the weirdest girl you've ever met?"

Him: "Um.... Yeah. Yeah I'd say you are."

#fuckitup

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

"I just really like cake and tequila, man."

- My boss in a meeting today

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

I got 99 problems and they're mostly longheld coping mechanisms stemming from a negative relationship with a close family member.

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

Steps on finding what you should wear for an interview:

1 Grab what you wore for Halloween
2 Grab what you wore for your “Ugly Holiday Sweater” party
3 Throw those in the back of your closet.
4 Wear a suit.

You’re welcome.

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

Sleep, kombucha, salad.

The Holy Trinity.

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

@joe_44850 Dodge Charger. Always seems to rev up in the parking lot. V douchey.

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

"That's what happens when you drive around in a douchey car, you get treated like a douche."

- President of our company, talking about one of the sales guys

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

@LoveeBrookee This is a #MeToo if I've ever seen it

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

*shows coworker 3D model of a building I've been working on in Illustrator*

Me: John look at this building I made!

John: Megan, you're not an architect.

Me: *screaming* YES I AM.

Other coworkers: *look on in concern*

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

Hatred feeds the ego,
And starves the soul.
And we wonder why prisoners
Are rarely well-fed

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

Boss asks if I got a spray tan.

Me: Yes. Why?

Him: You know I own a spray tan company, right?

Me: Yes.

Him: It's fine, I'm going to fix the problem.

*he walks away*

Me: *yelling* WHAT IS THE PROBLEM???

coworker: Can you stop yelling?

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

website went down. EVERYONE FREAKS OUT.

fixed it.

no one cared.

IT is a thankless job.

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

@no_neckbailey40 I'll be at Forest 2020 and probably 2021 :) I was looking to do another fest this summer I'm just not sure which one haha.

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

I swear to God, every time I'm ready to be in a committed relationship, no one is interested in dating me.

HOWEVER.

When I am happy being single, 10 guys want to try to wife me up.

WHY IS THIS. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN.

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

@no_neckbailey40 Hell yeah Austin. I didn't even think of that. Also. I miss you. Let's go to a fest soon.

[Austin Bailey @no_neckbailey40]

@thegoodvvitch When you're single, you're as "you" as it gets, people dig that M Shaw

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

Is it wrong that I got excited when my friend @LoveeBrookee thought she was getting malled by a dark spirit in her sleep in my apartment? I really just want for it to be haunted.

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

Have you ever gotten a phone call and been so validated that it hurt? That just happened.

#validation

[shawshank redemption @thegoodvvitch]

Cats are the only thing still good about the internet. I'm not open to alternate opinions.

#cats