the jerk vault

anecdotes, fantasies and random smutty thoughts from 2 sassy & (sometimes) classy dames. sex tips for sex lovers. amateurs need not apply.

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

Make It Wit Chu, Eva Vulgaris, Queens Of The Stone Age. #musictobangto

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

FaceTime makes sexting look like amateur fun. Don't tell me you're cumming...show me. #booyah #thanksapple

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

That moment you remember that you accidentally left a good pair of underwear at a one night stands place. #oops

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

I don't consider it a 'walk of shame' rather than a 'walk of I-got-laid-and-you-didn't. #sextalk

[Anita Helmet @AnitaHelmet]

Fingerbanging 101:

1. Pretend you're getting the last olive out of a jar.

2. Don't forget to tell the jar that she's beautiful.

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

Anal is the new vaginal. #truth #sex

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

I'm sure i majored in 'sexting' in college.

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

My biggest stress this week is choosing a third for a threesome.

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

Hmm...I'll bring the lube then. Perv. ;p “@running_with: Gonna fuck you in the ass til you rip to one hole. @thejerkvault”

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

Undercover Brother < Under The Covers With Your Brother

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

Ask me if I deserve a #spanking and the answer will always be "Yes, sir."

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

Coming home from work and slipping into something sexy for yourself. Just because. #wantonsexgoddess

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

Let's play Master & Servant.

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

What happened to all the sexually dominant men? Have they all been kidnapped or have dudes just morphed into submissive pussies? #throwdowns

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

This orgasm has been brought to you by @Lelo_Sweden #sextoysthatrock

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

Talking vibrators with the girls. Looks like #Lelo wins this round. #fangirls #shebopping

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

A little gift for me because I deserve even more orgasms. #lelo #pleasure

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

Any guy who offers to show me something called the 'reverse naked choke', is aces in my books.

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

Important words of wisdom. RT @YouPorn: If she's not wet, she's not ready. #Foreplay

[the jerk vault @thejerkvault]

Dummy - Portishead. #musictobangto