Jordan Platt

United is my religion, Old Trafford is my Church, Lambeau Field is my Mecca
#GoPackGo

£50 credit when you switch to Octopus Energy

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

@kalanighost If your in M&S you gotta try the cheese with carrot chutney sandwich, it's absolutely ridiculous

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

@weareBCSRF Shirt no...full size kit and socks...possibly 😅

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

@Moham1287 @GreatBritishTT @PolitlcsUK I imagine they all get their bins collected...and ring the localised emergency services if any problems...so probably, then again I'm not in Blackpool or Kensington so who the fuck nos 😅

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

Rumour has it he learnt how to swim After his mum n dad booked them all on a cruise

[Telegraph Sport @TelegraphSport]

Kate and Gerry McCann watched on with pride as their son, Sean, swam for Scotland at the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow

@fi_tomas_ has more ⤵️
https://t.co/Oax7GmUoRT

[J Stewart @triffic_stuff_]

😂 This Harry Hill’s TV Burp clip on “Muslim Driving School” is brilliant.

Harry mercilessly takes the mickey out of the entire premise and a few Muslim traditions while he’s at it.

First he zeros in on an 18-year-old, born and bred British girl who was married off in an arranged marriage to a man her parents chose in Pakistan.

Harry, completely deadpan:

“Hmm… the arranged marriage. How’s it going?”

Cut straight to the narrator:

“As an 18-year-old divorcee…”

😭 The audience loses it. Harry just pulls that classic awkward face and goes, “Sorry to hear that. Oh well… plenty more fish in the sea.”

Then later, with a different woman whose husband is “very confident” she’ll pass her test, Harry gets ready to crack open the champagne… only to be disappointed when she fails, but quickly adds:”

“It’s non-alcoholic… yeah, I’m sensitive.” 😂

Little polite jab at Muslims and alcohol. Nothing vicious, just lighthearted teasing.

This was mainstream television. ITV. Peak-time. And there was no outrage. People took it exactly as it was meant: good-natured, sharp British jesting.

That was just over a decade ago.

No way on earth you’d see a clip like this on mainstream TV today.

Times really have changed… and not for the better when it comes to being allowed to laugh at things.

Bring back TV Burp!

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

@TheMattCardona The only thing you guys need is your own show 😅

[Cheeses Of Nazareth @OhCheesesChrist]

Many attempts have been made in recent years to bring together influential supporter groups that can prioritise the often underrepresented voice of Manchester United’s match going supporters.

The recent actions of Manchester United have finally achieved what those efforts could not: a unanimous, historic and unprecedented unification of MUST, TRA, MUYSC, The 1958, all Fans’ Forum representatives, more than 100 Official Supporters’ Clubs, Red News and United We Stand.

Earlier today, a message was sent to Manchester United emphasising full support for the Fans’ Forum’s recent letter relating to the premature suspension of Season Ticket Holders without required evidence.

In summary, we have demanded that the Club:

* Immediately halt the ongoing suspension process.
* Immediately retract all unproven suspensions.
* Confirm the current number of Season Tickets.
* Explain its apparent policy of reducing the number of Season Tickets.
* Confirm that all reclaimed Season Tickets are reissued as Season Tickets to supporters on the Season Ticket waiting list.

Once an official written response has been received from Manchester United, it will be shared in the interests of transparency and fairness. The potential consequences of the Club’s response will be also shared as soon as they have been confirmed.

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

@StretfordPaddck Bit of a gamble but would definitely fit the profile we are going for is Methalie from Toulouse, looks like he could be an absolute beast in a year or 2, tall, quick, good tackler

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

If they asked me, the words...."fuck em" come to mind

[Iamemperor @Iamemperor00]

I refused to give up my first-class seat for a 9-year-old boy.

By the time the plane landed, half the passengers thought I was a monster.

I had spent almost $4,000 on that ticket.

Not because I wanted luxury.

Because I was flying home after working overseas for nearly two years, and the only seat left on the direct flight was first class.

As everyone boarded, a flight attendant stopped beside me.

She smiled politely and asked if I’d consider switching seats with a young boy sitting in economy so he could sit next to his mother.

She assured me I’d be moved to a regular economy seat.

I asked if I’d be refunded the price difference.

She said no.

I said, “Then I’m sorry, but I’ll keep my seat.”

A few nearby passengers overheard.

One woman muttered, “Some people only care about money.”

Another man shook his head and offered me a look that could’ve melted steel.

The flight attendant didn’t argue.

She simply nodded and walked away.

About twenty minutes later, I noticed the mother crying quietly.

People around her kept glancing at me.

I felt like the villain in a movie.

When we landed, I expected the judgment to end.

Instead, a passenger recorded me while I was collecting my luggage.

The video ended up online.

Millions of views.

Thousands of comments calling me selfish.

People said I lacked compassion.

That I’d chosen comfort over a child.

Then the airline released a statement.

It turned out the mother and son had booked separate flights weeks apart because the cheaper ticket didn’t include seat selection.

They were warned multiple times that there was no guarantee they’d sit together.

The airline had also offered them the option to purchase adjacent seats before departure.

They declined.

The flight attendants had asked three economy passengers to swap seats before approaching me.

All three refused.

None of them went viral.

Only I did.

Suddenly, public opinion split.

Some argued I still should’ve switched because kindness shouldn’t depend on money.

Others said I wasn’t responsible for fixing someone else’s planning, especially at my own expense.

The part that still bothers me isn’t that people disagreed.

It’s that nobody cared about the facts until after they’d already decided who the villain was.

So I’m curious.

If you paid thousands for something and were asked to give it up for free to help someone else…

Would saying no make you selfish?

Or are people only generous when it’s someone else’s sacrifice?

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

If your getting Stedded up to the max..your a fucking idiot

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

@MazzaInvests I took my lads to Disney world once in a September...got the fine through for 240 quid on Christmas Eve 😅😅

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

Fucking Shergar...go too deep n then missing when it matters the most

[Racing Post @RacingPost]

If Thomas Tuchel's England side were a horse, which horse would they be? 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

Just seeing this makes me want to go home and mercilessly beat the wife 😅...imagine the level of cretin you must be to do that after a game of football

[Politics UK @PolitlcsUK]

It wasn't to be… but if you are a victim of domestic abuse tonight, call the following number:

0808 2000 247

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

Finally someone has something nice to say about her

[Craig @meh_musings]

Margaret Thatcher LITERALLY committed war crimes by ordering for the sinking of the Belgrano btw.

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

Tonight we go to war again with these horrible dirty Argentinian scum

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

@SporticaMedia The one for me was Batistuta on a yellow absolutely smashing in to one of the defenders after the ball went n didn't get a second yellow

[No Context Brits @NoContextBrits]

Roll on Wednesday.

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

@LewisT_66 @nocontextfm1 Imagine being 29 and guys saying your ageing 😅

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

@NoContextBrits Get to fuck...we're keeping em regardless

[Jordan Platt @thejlp152]

@antpaulbloom Haha every time I seen him on the screen I got more and more pissed off