jon bennett

Storyteller - Comedian - Artist - Poet - Pretender of Cock. Seen at festivals around the World... Maybe.

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

What a Christmas Eve! Father in law got BITEN BY A DOG in the @mspairport while getting on @SunCountryAir plane while bleeding from the leg. Wife asked for help and was given hand sanitizer to treat the wound! Merry Christmas! Holy moly!

[Molly Ploofkins @Mollyploofkins]

Sarah Cooper returns with "How to Boat."

He’s always given her a wealth of material to work with, but Trump’s bit about the shark/electric boat was probably just too hard for her to resist so she took his insanity and turned it into comedy gold...

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

Hear me out: the only remakes that should be made are BABY versions. The Muppets knew it with Muppet Babies. I’d definitely watch Game of Baby Thrones, Seinfeld Babies, Breaking Bad Babies, 3 Babies and a Man… the list is endless! Comment yours if you like!

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

🎵So this is Christmas. What have you done? OH GOD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

The key to happiness is never flying anywhere

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

When I think about it I’ve been consistently overwhelmed since 2016

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

While performing on this cruise ship:
Kid: “Are you the comedian?”
Me: “Of sorts, yes”
Kid: “DO HIM!”
Me: “What?”
Kid: “DO HIM! DO MY DAD!”
Me: “Do your Dad?”
Kid: “YEAH! DO HIM! KILL HIM IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY!
Me: “ok”

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

I’m performing on this cruise ship for the next 12 days. On DAY ONE I got sunburnt INSIDE MY BELLY BUTTON! INSIDE IT! Is this what a yeast infection feels like?

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

The fact that we’re still just doing “Daylight Savings” and everyone knows what it is and is still doing it is bamboozling

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

The fact that the phrase “cost of living” exists and we all understand it is bamboozling

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

Just posted a photo https://t.co/UkuBsjhmMM

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

I’ve come a long way in 24 years… https://t.co/L4mQzuHTDd

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

Just posted a photo https://t.co/PavH7n2l97

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

Watching sports people celebrate by jumping into each other gives me anxiety #nba

[Kris Wall @KrisxWall]

Me after saying "No worries if not" yet again

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

What if everyone who has said “I love you” to me was actually talking about the tv show @YouNetflix

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

Just posted a photo @ Curious Comedy Theater https://t.co/4H0wh328CT

[jon bennett @thejonbennett]

I’m metal #metal https://t.co/sIwHEzK8bN