Tim Joyce

Writer, Comic, Actor, Teacher, Husband, Clinical Depression/Anxiety sufferer/triumpher.

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

I haven't Tweeted in a really long time.

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

Watching Jeopardy this week-reruns because of Alex's surgery. Good health to him; but if he does not pull through, I assume his epitaph will be "What Is Dead?"

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

"I was in Twelfth Night three times. That's 36 nights!"

Great Theatre Person Joke

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

They're putting new asphalt on my block-In the process digging up old asphalt. This answers the question I've had since we moved here: "Did they ever even bother to pave this fucking street?" Yes, I'm taking an old chunk to be carbon dated. We must preserve our history after all.

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

No Irony: Roseanne is to be pitied. Imagine an Attention Need even infamy or a starring role can't fill. Imagine living in a world where skin color matters so much that you'd narrow yourself to being a bigot and miss out on the beauty underneath all colors of skin. God is LOVE

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

How brave the Trillionaire Twat Owners of the NFL are! They haven "Taken A Knee" to Free Speech. I hope all their yachts sink.

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

I wish there was a time traveling Food Network/History Channel cooking show...Just so I could see Ted Allen standing in front of a guillotine holding a blood-soaked basket saying: "Marie Antoinette--You've been Chopped."

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

A brawl of over 15 teenagers broke out at a Chuck E Cheese in Amherst New York today. This is not a victimless crime; currently, a banjo playing animatronic Grizzly bear sits in a hospital, nursing a broken snout. When will we ever learn? When will we ever learn?

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

@BuffaloRising Wonderful! It is always good to see a racist make more money.

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

Great day for America! Zuckerberg admits his hulking monster is a playground for Russian-or anyone else needing a platform to lie to billions of people-espionage and disinformation. And Congress firmly suggests he not do it again. Is there an emoji for Lying Entitled Rich Twat?

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

I don't fear the Future; I fear the past is happening again.

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

Say what you may about Donald Trump, he has created an entire new genre of Television: "The Reality Shit Show."

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

So Trump and Kim Jong Un will meet in a room together. I wish I could be a a fly on that wall. Not to hear what either of those two madmen say; just to know for sure, for the first time in my life, that I was definitely the smartest living thing in a given room at a given time.

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

Single-Ply Toilet Paper is the Ultimate Leap Of Faith.

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

Help Actress Diane Gaidry Win Her Fight Against Cancer https://t.co/3GBUDkoOst via @youcaring

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

@kaitybcomedy So true.

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

HUGE Controversy at today's Olympic Snowboarding as several contestants were disqualified for testing Negative for Marijuana use.

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

If you like being disappointed? I'll never disappoint you.

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

Haven't attempted to write a horrible joke in a while, so here's another candidate for "Worst...Joke...Ever...) "I wrestled my Jeweler and he really beat me bad. Guess I got thrown for a loupe."

[Tim Joyce @thejoycer2]

@iamafamousvegan is there even the tiniest wedge in this closed door? Be well.