pant pooper

twitter users dni

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

deciding how to address the boys in discord

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

can’t see the damn forest with all these fuckin trees in the way

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

my new project this year is to silence white voices, starting with the ones in my head

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

they should invent separate parking lots for people who have driven a car before

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

if u walk the wrong direction at the costco its like you’re not even a real person to me

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

i dont believe that authoritarianism has any place in a civilized world and should be reserved only for the kitchen. get the fuck out of my way before i shoot you

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

For Sale: Gamer chair, never cleaned.

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

ever since i was a child i always knew when i grew up I wanted to go on my phone and be scrolling on my phone and maybe playing games

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

*going 115 on the highway*

“i am Orpheus; the cracked pavement the underworld. rot and corruption seeks to bind me on my journey beyond this coil.

*red and blue lights flash behind me*

*tears in my eyes, reaching for the handbrake*
“Eurydice my sweet, forgive me”

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

sunk cost phallus

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

just took a shit that was like if a fart was poop

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

In Avengers: Endgame (2019), Rhodey suggests killing Thanos as a baby to strategically circumvent a conflict with a more evenly-match opponent. This is a subtle reference to the fact that Rhodey is a member of the United States Military.

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

watching tv laid on top of the covers in a hotel room with just a towel around my waist like im In A Porno

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

host of the party: what are we thinking, beer pong or rage cage?

me, desperately wanting to listen to the transformers movie soundtrack: you know Steve Jablonsky really loved rage cage

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

i dreamt that i was laying on the floor and a man sat on my chest that was so fat the pressure blew open the top of my head and the skull fragments blasted a hole in the wall like a shotgun shell

fiverr therapist: you have a toouch of destiny about you

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

thats joyslop bro, you only like it because it brings you happiness

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

it is only after his girlfriend falls asleep at night that a man is truly free to watch “Tai Lung Escapes from Prison | Kung Fu Panda (2009)” on YouTube Kids without fear of persecution or humiliation

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

under sharia law you will not be able to front-foot impossible flip because through allah everything is possible

[🖤 Sophia 🖤 @Richard_Vixen]

Asked a guy on the train to stop playing his music out loud and he was like “but I forgot headphones.” It’s like okay cool what you said constitutes so great a deviation from my mental model of acceptable human thinking that I no longer know how to communicate with you

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

they should invent a way to jack off..

[pant pooper @thekingbugs]

can anybody remember that one SNL skit where Bowen Yang plays a cunty diva?