You think I'm happy living abroad?
I have a family I grew up with, whom I love with all of my heart - and the reality keeps dawning on me, on how many times I will see them before I one day turn 60.
People I saw daily, or once a month - I haven't seen in years, and would realistically only see once a year, going forward.
You think I'm happy?
That one day, I might end up having children and my siblings might not have the relationship with them - the relationship I had with my uncles, in my formative years? I remember clearly how they would take us to MrBiggs every Sunday - I am currently reliving the flavour from that meatpie.
How we would go to the family house in Ikeja, every year for Eid. The grandchildren uniforms, the snacks while watching your uncles slaughter rams.
You think I'm happy that I might one day lead a family of children who might not know their version of that?
WTF will I be doing in another man's land, if I did everything they asked me to do from childhood (face your studies, be exceptional, stay away from crime, be hardworking) and opportunities lined up for me to be the best I could, in my motherland? WTF will I be doing here?
Why will I condescend myself to living in a clime where I have to mentally switch from sun burning weather to teeth clenching winter - when I came from a land where I never needed gloves? You think I'm happy?
If I could do honest work, be on my way home and not have to bother about the risk of getting shot by the people meant to protect me, because I have some lines of tattoos on my body - you think I would leave?
If I could trust a justice system to defend me, ensure my rights even though I am a nobody - have trustworthy institutions banking on the highest standards, not have to worry about the bread I eat, the fake drinks from the club or streets, the fake drugs - you think I would leave?
Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for the opportunities this clime has given me, to test my limits - to be everything I thought I could be. But all of these, in replacement for the soul I grew up with?
You know the satisfaction that settled within me when I could wake up on a Saturday morning, stroll to the Iya wanke's place - relish an entire plate, or some ewa agonyin while watching children battle it out, in a 5 v 5 across the streets.
That communal living that relished my soul, is now replaced with silent streets and finely divided sealed terraces.
You walk through the city centres in the evenings - you see friends having an aperitif (they do so every evening), you see grandfathers meeting up with their children, you see entire families with extended families living across the streets, first cousins are even able to use the same gym and you remember what that looked like for you back home?
You think of all your friends scattered across continents, some you might never get to hug again.
For a lot of diasporans, you don't want Nigeria to work more than us. A lot of us want to come home, but what is home? Where is home? When will home feel like home?
I hope to continue living life without lack, in comfort, with accomplished dreams - but I want to do so, with soul. When I die one day, I want to do so - with soul.
The RCCG praise team ate and left no crumbs with the High Praise Medley they released in 2006.
That medley was a great addition to church gospel music in Nigeria.
The lead vocalists, the background singers and the instrumentalists on that track deserve their flowers! >>>>>>>>>>
I've realised something recently.
When I worked on projects like this and Cornflakes For Jihad, which focused on violence in Nigeria's Middle Belt and North, various people got various mistaken mistaken ideas.
Some people thought I was on "their" side as in Biafran separatism or Igbo ethnic nationalism. Others thought I was on "their" side as in Christian nationalism. Others thought I was on "their" side as in disliking Muslims or wanting to balkanise Nigeria into multiple fragments.
For the avoidance of doubt, let me state what my ACTUAL agenda for Nigeria was, still is, and will always be:
My agenda is to use radical truth-telling to force Nigeria to confront its problems and solve them, instead of slowly dying of them. My style is to look at issues square in the face, and speak to the core of the matter without fear or favour. I am not a Christian nationalist (I am actually atheist and I think Christianity is a dangerous colonial insertion which has made African cultures weak, disunited, lacking in strategic focus, and easily exploitable).
I am not a Biafran separatist (While I acknowledge that genocide against Igbo people was carried out during the so-called civil war between 1967 and 1970, I also know that the war itself was externally instigated, and was in fact a postcolonial proxy war between the British and the French with Israeli involvement on both sides, and I know that breaking up a country with as much potential for African power as Nigeria over a solvable ethnic grudge would be among the top 3 dumbest things Africans have ever done).
I don't hate Muslims (I believe that Islam, like Christianity, weakens African unity because it is not indigenous to Africa, and African Muslims historically have a weird habit of identifying first as 'Muslim' before 'African', which has had real consequences before, but I also acknowledge that like Christianity, Islam is definitely not leaving Africa anytime soon and I have to live with that reality).
Finally and most importantly, I am not an ethnic nationalist of any type. I abhor the idea of fragmenting large African countries into some more useless, weak, feudal ethnostates with zero international leverage and no sovereignty, as if we don't have nearly 50 of those already. I believe that aggregation of Africa's resources, trading area, political relations, technology and manpower across this vast rich continent is the only meaningful way forward for African people in Africa and the diaspora.
I have been fortunate enough to live a fairly privileged life which has allowed me to travel the world extensively and understand how it actually works. The reality of the world - no matter how disappointing some Nigerians may find it - is that "David Chukwuemeka Ajayi," a Christian from Edo, and "Idris Yusuf Mohammed," a Muslim from Kano are exactly the same in the eyes of those who run the planet. David and Idris might not like each other because of the different religions they are carrying on their heads, but the unfortunate reality is that THE WORLD DOESN'T CARE.
The world only sees "Africans" and does not give a single shit about whatever extra identity exists above that. A Kanuri woman from Borno and a Zulu man from KwaZulu Natal in South Africa have the exact same political identity in the eyes of those who actually matter in this world. That is the reality of the world, and that is why I am a Pan Africanist - it's not because I don't recognise Africa's obvious diversity. It's simply that I understand that in a world that is becoming increasingly dangerous for us, the only chance for survival that we have as a country and as a continent is to work together.
And if your vision of working together doesn't include Christians, Muslims, animists, ATR people, atheists and whoever else shares your common destiny as an African, then rest assured that we are all going to die as divided fools, and other people will take our land.
As I always say, whenever you wake up is your own morning.