Kevin The Lemon™

There will be blood. There will be cum. There will be piñatas.

[Kevin The Lemon™ @TheLemon_]

Every time you leave things unsaid,

You’re actually saying more than you ever wanted to.

[Kevin The Lemon™ @TheLemon_]

To each,

his phone.

[Kevin The Lemon™ @TheLemon_]

Last time a friend asked me to pray for her, I did what I know best.

Slept with a virgin

-it’s the same thing right?

[Kevin The Lemon™ @TheLemon_]

If a random dog humps your leg aggressively,

Is a “walk of shame” required?

-Asking for a friend
*takes long cold shower*

[Kevin The Lemon™ @TheLemon_]

Guys, remember when your Grandpa was proud of you for scoring a goal?

How do you think he feels about you shaving your balls in the mirror?

[Kevin The Lemon™ @TheLemon_]

My buddy swears the best place to get dates is on Groupon Message Boards.

-cause women love any man who can find a better deal then them.

[Kevin The Lemon™ @TheLemon_]

Who me?

I’m just standing here filling ice cube trays,

To ensure my name continues for generations.

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

If penis enlargements were as effective as breast implants, babies would be born like a t-shirt canon.

[Kevin The Lemon™ @TheLemon_]

Taking things with a grain of salt would be easier,

If it didn’t taste like pepper.

[Kevin The Lemon™ @TheLemon_]

Just realized *my butler has the password to my twitter account and has been tweeting.

Do I:

A-kill him
B-thank him

*imaginary friend

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

It takes a brave man to do yoga, and an even braver man to admit he's only there to suck his own dick.

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

The best way to pick someone's brain is through their nose.

[Kevin The Lemon™ @TheLemon_]

With all these Keyboard Wars going on I better call a letter.

I call the letter “B”

-wait, is that a offensive or defensive letter?

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

Never trust a dolphin with human arms.

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

Yawns sound like a deaf person yelling.