Ratt

Most conversations I have in real life are also no more than 280 characters long.

[Ratt @themattweets]

pls stop following me I post not that which you seek

[Ratt @themattweets]

@Jake_Lo hi gay

[ᴅᴏᴏᴍᴇɴɪᴄ @dinosaur_info]

Nobody is complaining loudly enough that Wikipedia is sometimes no longer even on the first page of google results. Like what the hell are we doing

[Ratt @themattweets]

Latest public transit pet peeve is OLs with those irritating high-pitched whirring fans

[Ratt @themattweets]

@dominicchin_ A noble sacrifice

[Ratt @themattweets]

I thought it was supposed to be Pioneer Mall

[Mothership @MothershipSG]

Girl, 14, hospitalised after alleged assault by 7 other girls at Orchard Road car park https://t.co/yAkrOyvnde

[Ratt @themattweets]

Reject modernity, embrace tradition

[2001 Live @25YearsAgoLive]

Microsoft releases Office XP, its first Office rollout of the new millennium. Word, Excel, Outlook, PowerPoint, and other programs all get fresh new looks.

[Ratt @themattweets]

@whyzeewhy slay

[Ratt @themattweets]

@rattafterdark ‘occasionally frequent’ is an oxymoron

[wassieloyer @wassielawyer]

“Baby ah - we got BTO number”, she shouts from across the room.

The hairs on your skin shiver. Endorphins flood your brain. Your heart palpitates as it rapidly redirects blood to your half erect cock, quickly bringing it to full mast.

“What number?”, you ask cautiously, not wanting to get ahead of yourself.

“132” - she replies.

132. Out of a 976 unit development. 5 year MOP. Should be able to get mid-high floor. Without morning sun.

450 - 550k purchase price. 5% due now, the remaining 20% due on key collection.

Gahmen recently announced a new revitalisation programme for the area. New mall, new bicycle path, new MRT link.

Easy flip for 1m+ after 5 year MOP.

Finally the time has come for your ascension.

You gaze upon her, eyes filled with love. She has never looked so beautiful. Sitting there in her university T-shirt, phone in hand. Her red brown balayage hair pulled away from her acne scarred face in a low ponytail. You watch her pull a funny face as she updates her Instagram and besties Telegram group with a 5 second video.

Sure she’s a 5/10 by any objective measure. To anyone else, she is a mid SMU psychology student with questionable job prospects and bland hobbies (food 🍔and travel✈️❤️).

But to you - she is the angel of your financial ascension.

Years pass.

You have since graduated and now hold down an office job at Shoppee. So too has your wife, she does 'marketing and comms' at some SME. After three years of living with your parents, it is finally time to collect the keys.

You hand over the cashier's order for 100k to the HDB employee. It wasn't easy but between your savings, a loan from your ah ma and the angbao profits from your wedding (off-peak Thursday lunch reception @ Holiday Inn Orchard no open bar suckers!), you got there.

As you finish signing the papers, you mentally write up your net worth by 500k. Then you add an asterisk on it. Just in case you know. Your wife has just finished her selfies with the HDB sign and pulls you into a photograph with her.

You smile.

A few years pass.

"No lah! No lah!" - you exclaim loudly at a gathering of your secondary school friends who jest that you have 'made it already' because of your luck in securing your BTO. "Cannot sell la - still got MOP!"

But deep inside you smugly muse "Yes bro - I did fucking make it". A friend who became a lawyer humble brags about how busy he is and 'offhandedly' drops his salary and how much he spends on rent. "Sucker paying other people's mortgage" you quietly muse as you sip on your mug of Tiger.

As you return home you observe your wife being dropped off by her handsome ang moh colleague in an Audi. She laughs as he hands her the Chanel handbag she bought on Atome and waves her goodbyes. The wide smile on her slightly red face - a smile you haven't seen in years - fades slightly as she sees you.

"We had team drinks and Thomas offered to drop me off. Very nice of him."

"Yea ok cool" - you reply, unsure if you want to start another fight.

Sensing the tension, she tries to change the subject.

"Oh by the way ah, I spoke to my secondary school friend Celine. She in real estate now. She say ah - that our unit probably can sell 1.1 - 1.2m+ when MOP leh!"

You smile - blood returning to your phallus.

2 long years pass.

"Thank you Sir" - the DBS banker smiles warmly as you hand him the signed housing loan agreement.

After eight arduous years, you were finally able to dump your HDB on the next sucker for over 1.1m. After agent fees etc, you got away with a clean profit of over 500k.

And today marks the culmination of your ascension to the condo class.

A 2 bedroom condo in the newly TOPed Merdeka Jewel - 750 square feet at $3000 per square foot at 2.25m. Sure it is a little smaller than your 990 square foot HDB but its not like you need that much room. Your wife made it abundantly clear that she does not want to have kids because she is 'too busy focusing on her career' (although you still question what the fuck her actual job is).

Rolling your savings and your HDB profits into the 25% down payment and taking the 30 year loan at 2.6% interest was a no brainer. 8k a month in mortgage payments seem steep but is manageable. As long as you both keep working. I mean it will all pay off right? Singapore property is up only after all.

You look to your wife and her Chanel handbag. She smiles back at you, she too celebrating her ascension to the condominium class. You can hear the gears in her head turn, the dopamine firing at the thought of all the likes her house tour video is going to get on Instagram.

"Ill be out tonight with friends" - you tell her. "Ya ok I got plans also" - she replies.

You text your real estate agent to confirm that you will exercise the option to purchase. Your cock is now fully erect at the thought of your ascension.

Then you go on WeChat and text Lanlan "我好想你 - 今晚见！❤️"

You smile and take in the Singapore sun.

Damn it feels good to be a Singaporean son.

[santos-inistas @JDabknee]

Heartwarming: Rocket randomly assembles following explosion

[Daniel @growing_daniel]

Honestly beautiful explosion https://t.co/2CYBzbbVtP

[jörg shidmann @tranz_schubert]

Does anyone know how to turn off auto-translate

[Ratt @themattweets]

Had to do a double take when I saw this ad from Expedia

[AnonTeacher @teacherhottakes]

@Freyy_is It's not x, but y.

Not this partial thought. Not this fragment. Not this half idea.

It's the "quietly" doing any action.

It's the double space between each line of a post.

Not this. Not that. Not the other.

It's all of it. And the worst part? It's EVERYWHERE.

[芝村ひばり / Hibari Shibamura @skylark_mmm]

えらい省スペースな看板見つけた

[Manuel Montoto @m6502]

More like this.

[Haru 🇺🇸 @HaruhiismOtaku]

Someone just broke OPSEC so that they can share a fumo next to HIMARS firing