The Melon Man

#LetEmKnow #GuardsBall #DawgPound

[Harry @lexaprotools]

Shaq: what he do chuck

Chuck: he turned him self into a pickle

Earnie: a what?

Kenny: a pickle

Shaq: your ass would have eaten him chuck

Chuck: I get it. I wouldnt wanna go to therapy either man

Shaq: i know you eating that pickle chuck

[b @spaceinshadows]

GOOD MORNING LADIES AND GENTS

[bean smoothie™ @beansm00thie]

Auntie Anne be puttin her whole pussy in them pretzels my word

[Zy @ZyMazza]

Do you think the dentist actually does anything with his harem or is it just for show to stunt on us plebian patients

[irα!! @solarsystern]

little brother drove me to my exam and picked me up 9 hours later (bc he's the best) and in between, in a sort of satire or how long my exam was, he:
- went to stew leonard's
- went to beach
- went to the aquarium
- went to the mall
- saw the odyssey

[miamatic @tranny_laurel]

No one is 100% straight. Except for bisexual women, who are 100% straight.

[ottercoptor @OtterCoptorHere]

Wingstop for breakfast at 3 PM

[seika @skrbema]

apparently every friend group has the one designated guy everyone refers to as The Pedophile

[Three-Eyed Raisin @GulagJamun_]

Yes and it was for a 10/10 video game that none of you losers played

[sbm @latinapolpot]

Dude who picked this out the trash gotta be the first ever bronsexual

[La Mole @FranmilsEyebrow]

When you have a chance to string Cleveland along one last time, just to cuck them AGAIN for a city that doesn’t give a fuck about you, you just HAVE to do it.

[Bunts @soylennial]

when I'm legitimately dead but I overhear the doctor say "his kidney could save a trans persons life"

[The Melon Man @themelonman31]

@HoyasAndNatsFan @mcgoatzieburner 0/17 actually 😭

[Hubaish A. @rhma_2109]

If This Doomsday Plot Leak Is True This Actually Works Big Time Instead Of Whatever That Early Slopass Plot Was.
#AvengersDoomsday

[Descartes Regen 👊🇱🇧 @SnekysonJunior]

Having TikTok and twitter at the same time has you noticing how TikTok users blatantly steal tweets to make content 😭😭

[I eat short people @UnderwearStain]

Farted so hard while wiping my ass that the toilet paper got burned round the edges like an old pirates map

[jack @TheCavsJack]

MCU Ben Grimm is canonically only around 6’0” or so

Which means he’d play SF in some Kenny Atkinson lineups

[Never break kayfabe @Quadripolar_B]

Drake made his best music when he used to look like a sandwich

[Jeremiah Smith @JJwiththeshifts]

I still get a boner every time I hold hands with a woman because I’m a #SensitiveYoungMan

[jack @TheCavsJack]

Dr. Strange signed with Doom

Salary dumped Spider-Man to the Defenders for picks

Scarlet Witch out with a torn ACL

Assigned the Hulk to the G-League

The second apron is ruining the Avengers