the king has to run errands, karyn said so. maybe time got lost along the way. maybe the warm baked goods are cold now because the city said there was something hidden i could look for. i've collected smiles, snow on my boots, flowers in winter. i'm coming home with full pockets.
it snowed at the cabin today, so the city said it had a secret to tell me. who would i be if i didn't listen to her gossip? no souls in sight, leave it to void, to me, to me and to me again. today i'm grabbing a badly brewed coffee and thankful they invented the word sonder.
spring touched me once. yes, she touched me with her bare hands. have you ever felt an entire season bloom inside your chest and expand till you ripped at the seams?
this is so close to something deadly. maybe that's why it looks me in the eyes; it already knows something i don't, me of all people. and somewhere between my ego and my, honestly, worthless grip around a part of me that once was naive, i pretend.
maybe i'll get drunk tonight, sit at the table with something that wants to be older than me, that is certainly wiser than me, and i'll let it laugh in my face and call me a fool.
so forgive me for running into the knife. for running into the knife ten times. twelve. i usually don't notice when i'm dying, anyway, i just notice the walls and their dark corners, my last words will be fuck merriam webster and that one girl that blowed out my candles.
curiosity holds a knife, you know? it's usually hidden, takes you by surprise. like a balloon popping on a birthday party you didn't even want in the first place. to hell with it, i dare the future to be predictable. just once.
that unwise thing. i rename it adrenaline, strain, curse the corners of my walls for caving in on me, webster would know. and the invisible belief i pathetically have when i speak to the void and call it prayer? the gods are dead, you foolish king. every last one of them.
tell me again, how creatures like me know nothing but to bite. to chip at the paint on the walls, incessant, suspicious. untrustworthy. i didn't even show my teeth, but you insisted on checking my nails. i told you the blood was my own and you cried wolf.