SomeCallMeDad

Laughable-amateur-dad-ism comedian, husband, father, friend, Former active duty Marine, movie/music buff, and a fat-keyboard-ninja that hates man-buns...

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

Not a clue what is happening

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

@FeelingEuphoric That went dark fast

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

@NewDadNotes Fish are friends; not food

[Howie Mandel @howiemandel]

It’s time for a FOLLOW SPREE! RETWEET THIS and I’ll follow some of you #AGT

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

Ay mate!! Let me doggo be! I’ll fight ye instead! https://t.co/XJyEQjia4P

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

I was arguing with my wife this afternoon and I heard my son say from the other room “Yay!!! Two Christmas’s!”
#SundayFunday #kidsthingssay #kids #nofilter

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

This is the epitome of a “Dad joke” but Mom instead! I love it!! #dadjokes #dadjoke #momjoke #embarrassingteenagers #fridayfriyay #FridayThoughts https://t.co/QpLxlEC6mH

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

@ellorysmith Fuckers!?

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

@methodshop Hahaha, I love it!!

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

Audio of sky penis released
#skypenis #WednesdayWisdom https://t.co/JQPNsgRLoe

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

[Plot Twist]
Waldo gets lost in the Nepalese Mountains and finds himself.
#WednesdayThoughts #dadjokes

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

@NewDadNotes #honeybadgerdontcare

[Rachel Luxemburg @rlux]

i still hate mosquitoes.

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

This kid has moves!!

https://t.co/at5QsX7xj4
#Tuesdayvibes

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

@TheAndrewNadeau *****The more you know******

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

@KimmyMonte ****mind has been blown****
#ImDone #nomoreinternetsformetoday

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

[Perfect day]
Me: Stuck in my office looking out the window, wishing I had some time off

[Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91]

[Hot day]
Me: TOO HOT

[Cold day]
Me: TOO COLD

[Rainy day]
Me: TOO WET

[Rapture day]
Me: TOO MUCH FIRE

[Foggy day]
Me: TOO FOGGY

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

Sex is like pizza, even when it’s bad, you have to pretend it’s not so you don’t offend the person who brought it.

[SomeCallMeDad @themodernchimp_]

@TheAndrewNadeau Furthermore; pineapple on pizza is just gross, but it still is pizza and with enough beer, you can’t taste the pineapple... #collegewisdom
#dudeknowledge #goodenoughforconfuscious