San Diego has been struck by Merrill Madness.
We have signed center fielder Jackson Merrill to a nine-year contract through the 2034 season with a club option for 2035.
Do you have any idea how fucking insane you have to be to get China, Japan, and South Korea to get together on the same side. That's three thousand years of grudges and violence overcome. We're talking unprecedented levels of being fucking a dipshit to get this to happen.