Stephanie Smith

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

In case you’re wondering how our week off in self-isolation is going, my husband just said, “I love when the property brothers find termite damage.” #hgtv #nosports

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

Does anyone else just want to watch dirty dancing forever until they die? No? Just me? Ok.....

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

Can’t wait for my husband to ask me for a haircut. 100% shaving a dick into his neck. #COVID19

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

Can stores please start implementing a skill testing question for toilet paper purchases? Smart people have buttholes too. #coronavirus

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

I know I’ve said this before, but the prom dance sequence in She’s All That is absolute fucking GOALS and if my loved ones don’t perform it at my funeral I’m gunna haunt the shit out of them.

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

Why does every girl now pose for bikini pictures by grabbing the sides of the bottoms and yanking them skyward like they’re trying to give themselves the most epic front-wedgie of life? Is cameltoe fashionable now? #oldgirlneedsanswers

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

@roylie11 Calm down.

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

If you’d like to see karma at work, I invite you to check out Sean Spicer on #DWTS

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by the aritzia fitting rooms #iwantmyownmirrordammit

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

The back to school pictures flooding social media are cute and all, but I slept until 1pm today so who's the real winner..

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

Ever thrown a tantrum at Starbucks because they ran out of earl grey tea bags? Totally me neither. #mentalcollapse

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

@mawtha_lee how do I make this happen lol

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

I named my dog after you and this is how you repay me??? https://t.co/2olhxLQm0k

[Janet Jackson @JanetJackson]

A message from Janet...
https://t.co/KrzYZ4eyvD

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

What kind of sick asshole invented drive thru ATMs? Completely unusable without hanging out of your window like a sideways whack-a-mole.

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

Sending prayers and warm wishes to my metabolism. I miss you. I love you. Please come home. Xx

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

I wish someone would give me a creepy psychedelic makeover every morning like when they turn Fern Mayo into Vylette

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

I can deal with a lot of things, but #PootLovato is not one of them.

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

Good luck to all the little kiddies heading off to their 1st day of school. I got absolutely fucking plastered in your honour last night! 😎

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

Seriously considering paying a delivery service to bring me a milkshake.

[Stephanie Smith @thepreshest]

I feel kind of ripped off that I graduated high school in the early 2000s and we did not have a pre-rehearsed dance routine at prom.