Aslan HF Herzen

Thespian, designer and writer, language enthusiast, autistic

🇬🇧🏳️‍🌈🦁🎻

Ze/He/They

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

all you need to become a writer is imagination and unbridled indignation at the thought of being expected to actually write something

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

It's so great seeing the footage from that day back!

The internet is a great resource for anyone who wants to learn how to mend clothes, but this workshop was such a lovely opportunity to connect with others. I genuinely wish there were more spaces like this everywhere!

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

I should probably clarify that this is a fake production with fake names and dates...I generate everything using D&D dice. It's closer to working with a real client, where obviously you can't make up new details just to coordinate with your design.

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

Been working on some poster designs for one of my favourite plays...I haven't spent too long perfecting them because they're only for practice, but I quite like them.
Let me know which version you like best!

In completely unrelated news, I'm also open for design commissions <3

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

The "forgetting to unsubscribe to emails" to "forgetting to tell the council you moved out five months ago and don't want to continue paying council tax" pipeline

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

I like how invoices are the only socially acceptable situation where you're allowed to ask other people for money, and I still hate doing it because I don't want to cause any offence lmao

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

the search for a supermarket which won't reject my application continues

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

awwight lads i just discovered i'm in £800 more debt than i thought i was last month, wish me luck

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

"If you were on a desert island, what three things would you-"
"CHOCOLATE AND TOILET ROLL"
"That's two things, you still have a-"
"I'VE MADE MY CHOICE"

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

I know we joke about email subscriptions being really bad for autistic people, but can we perhaps spare a thought for me ordering chocolate and toilet roll to my old flat for six months because I kept forgetting to CANCEL THE DAMN SUBSCRIPTION

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

In case you're curious:
- I used to go through six bars of chocolate a week because I hate cooking
- I refuse to buy toilet paper in the shops
- Actually I just kind of refuse to go to the shops in general
- Online delivery is a modern miracle

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

There's a cunnilingus joke somewhere in here and I'm determined to find it

Hmmm

"Babe why can't you just shut the fuck up and eat me out, I thought you said you were pro-licks"

"No I said I was prolix"

"What the fuck does that even mean"

I'll be here all week

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

I just discovered the word 'prolix' (meaning tediously lengthy/dwelling on details, from a Latin word meaning 'stretched out') and honestly I want to fight it in the park

It has such a weird sound whenever I try and use it in a sentence

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

Also given how I'm writing these tweets I probably just don't like the word because it feels like a personal attack

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

Anyway, I'm going to keep at it, because if I don't, they're literally going to discharge me.

See you after my next *checks notes* half-hour long meditation session

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

Oh my God, online CBT's cracked it

I felt so pissed off and patronised by the website that I think I spontaneously cured myself of OCD just so I wouldn't have to do it

[Aslan HF Herzen @thequeerphantom]

It's the equivalent of someone saying "I'm hungry" and giving them a Werther's Original...every meal for ten years