em shady

Fueled by queso, buffalo sauce, and the blood of my enemies. she/her

[em shady @therealEmShade]

And I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And he’s also a crab

[CCW license - 46 states @skinny_que]

“Mr. Krabs? I haven’t heard that name in years....”

[em shady @therealEmShade]

@sistaKTP That’s what I said!

[em shady @therealEmShade]

I hope my family shoots a jalapeño cheddar deer.

[em shady @therealEmShade]

Every time I spend money on something I do not need I text my sister like I’m going to confession.

[em shady @therealEmShade]

Tell me why I had two nightmares last night involving high school softball and student council homecoming planning. I am 27 years old.

[em shady @therealEmShade]

@pancheros Is he single?

[em shady @therealEmShade]

Since Adam Levine is trending, I would like to once again say that I always first associate him as the guy who got his arm ripped off by Bloody Face.

[em shady @therealEmShade]

Mom, can I show you something?

[em shady @therealEmShade]

The eye dr called me special and unique… or at least my left eye.

[em shady @therealEmShade]

@alissamoe My guest bed is my couch 😅 which you are welcome to at any time.

[em shady @therealEmShade]

Can someone please explain to me what I am supposed to do with the TEN throw pillows that came with my couch?

[em shady @therealEmShade]

I want someone to bring me like 6 state fair corn dogs without me having to leave my couch.

[em shady @therealEmShade]

I’m tired of always being the one who has to do all the grocery shopping.

[em shady @therealEmShade]

I wish mimosas also came with a meat and cheese skewer.

[em shady @therealEmShade]

@tazemoeller

[SparkNotes @SparkNotes]

watching romeo and juliet (1968) and then looking at a photo of zac efron from 2008

[em shady @therealEmShade]

@alissamoe Your opinion is wrong but I like our coordinating profile pics.

[em shady @therealEmShade]

Have you ever noticed how avocado ruins everything it touches?

[em shady @therealEmShade]

@alissamoe Let me know what you find out

[em shady @therealEmShade]

Women deserve better.

[em shady @therealEmShade]

@alissamoe https://t.co/DWekS1LzDo

[em shady @therealEmShade]

Not to be dramatic, but the road construction in my neighborhood is ruining my life.