Matthew Suarez

Retired journalist | Soon to be retired bartender | Future JD Candidate | UNT Alum
Head Chief of Security for Rebecca Marie Gomez

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

@zairalperez Considering the high likelihood of the charges put against you would have your bail feature six digits….. I think you’d look absolutely stunning in orange. *laughs in GoFundMe*

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

@zairalperez you’re scaring people, sweetheart. Our dinner plans will have to be postponed if you’re arrested for rioting.

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

On behalf of all Latinos in my position whose gf is being unhinged on the TL bc of the AOTY winner… We offer our deepest apologies & hope you can bear with us through this time.

We will do our best to mitigate any rioting, vandalism, arson, or verbal assault.

Thank you

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

@zairalperez @MariahCarey My humor is inevitable it was in the fine print, Perez.

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

Thank you, @MariahCarey for making a song that reminds Zaira that all she wants for Christmas is me and nothing else.

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

@zairalperez It was indeed by design, I’ll have an amber. *disappears in a puff of smoke*

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

@zairalperez You’re buying my next beer for that bio, Perez. Te amo ❤️

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

@zairalperez Such a false, heinous statement. It’s my anniversary, you’re supposed to be nice to me.

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

@zairalperez I am on break :)

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

One year ago today, I was drinking a lovely glass of amber beer with Zaira at our favorite bar while also showing her all of my gains in my investment & crypto portfolios.

As a result of my investing prowess, she was head over heels & decided to keep me around for 365 more days

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

@zairalperez Clearly denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

@zairalperez Suddenly, I have a flat tire

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

Before I leave and delete this hellish app again, i leave you w/ said reminders

- always tip 20%
- be sure to heckle Utah fans
- sun dresses & rompers >>>>>>
- celebrate your successes
- date Latinas at your own risk
- the CIA killed JFK
- tofu isn’t good it’s just pretentious

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

@zairalperez Those tacos you’re buying me later are going to taste fantastic 🫶🏽

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

@zairalperez I like how you noticed this 20 hours later

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

This is what happens when Zaira goes to bed early and doesn’t do anything about me being loud on Twitter. So if anything this is her fault

[Matthew Suarez @thereal_Suarez]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN AND HOW BOUT THEM COWBOYS MFERS