Dick Cat

Passionate about sleeping, eating, grooming and attacking; hunting, killing and dismembering rats and birds. I enjoy making humans bleed.

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

@leslielspencer Bitch, I made sure 2020 was hell for you.

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

Welp, assholes, I did it. I left this world.

I, the skilled and swift hunter, became the hunted.

But don’t worry. I’ll be back. And when I’m reincarnated, don’t let @leslielspencer date me. She needs to be done… https://t.co/ioXOazpDst

[Leslie Spencer @leslielspencer]

I love you, too, @therealdickcat.

#dickcat #catsofinstagram #swipeleft #gododgers https://t.co/Z25PIOsZ43

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

The bitch behind me does it all the time, so now it’s my turn.
#oneeyedselfie #doucheyselfie https://t.co/IAavOUQfeo

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

Dear @leslielspencer,
Fuck off.

Love, Dick Cat https://t.co/MfmCQa1kQ8

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

@jimmyfallon Dick Cat Strut.

Obviously.

#RuinASongWithOneWord

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

Cats: Can’t live with them, can’t step barefoot in vomit without them.

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

Valentine’s Day is for weak humans who seek permission to procreate.

Please make good decisions today. Future lives (and alimony payments) depend upon it.

#imadick #bemyvalentine https://t.co/Eje1nMZmdw

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

Now *these* are Valentines.

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

No one gets credit for this but me. #olddicknewtrick https://t.co/1SlpDDSkqR

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

I’ve got me and my rubber band and I DON’T NEED YOU. https://t.co/zXJtBpMcSJ

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

I think I know that bitch on that bag. https://t.co/XaPWhya811

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

I heard “Dick Cat Strut” on @931jackfm today, so naturally, I sang along. https://t.co/c6AcVrRJxn

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

@realDonaldTrump Funny, the cats next door are called Tiger and Jack.

I kicked Tiger’s ass, yet Jack sent me to the vet with an abscess.

But I’m all better now! Ready to scale some walls.

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

I got better without a cone or a sweater or your dumb roofies. My appetite is insatiable; I have entertained myself with crickets and rubber bands and even barfed underneath… https://t.co/S8nT20TyJT

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

Don’t f*ck with my weekend.
#straycatstrut #catsofinstagram @ Altadena, California https://t.co/x7ujmyqHD0

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

Listen, people: I did it. I went out the cat door the dumbass humans made for me upon demand.
And when I wanted back in after several hours, I attacked @leslielspencer and made her bleed.… https://t.co/OvRHDHRpjD

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

Human,

This is where the cat door goes.
I’ll help get it started. @ Altadena, California https://t.co/aHXmbJPCph

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

Dear Humans,

Do you see the disdain on my face? That’s for YOU.

Thanks for the new digs, but I’m bored out of my ever-loving mind here. You’ve taken away ALL of my fun (including… https://t.co/2tNvQbqZhV

[Dick Cat @therealdickcat]

Bah, Humbug!