GOMAR

Eat healthy,Drink moderately,exercise regulary-DIE ANYWAYS!!!

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Never order a German plumber the fucker tied my gas line into the shower!

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

A priest,a rapist,&a pedophile walk into a bar… he orders a beer!

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

My older relatives always said at weddings “You’ll be next.” They quit after I started saying that to them at funerals!

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Always give 100% unless you’re giving blood.

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Since I turned 65,a friend said start running it’s a great way to meet people.He was right,this morning I almost met Jesus,but I did meet a paramedic,a nurse&a Doctor

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

On the bus in Calgary a black lady with a babysat beside “me crying hysterically,”I asked what’s wrong?”
She said,Driver said that’s ugliest baby I’ve ever seen,I said you go tell him off,I’ll hold your monkey for you.

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Eat your school,Stay in milk,Don’t do sleep,Get 8 hrs. of drugs & I was fired as a student councillor!

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Things never spoke of.Pontius Pilate said to Jesus at the crucifixion,” please cross your legs,my soldiers only have 1 nail left!” Happy Easter

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Asian kids are better than North American kids at https://t.co/5mUj0zUd7Y’s obvious why, they don’t have dogs to eat their homework!

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Funny how if you say something racist people will say “you’re racist” but never will call you a liar! Fucking hypocrites.

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

History channel/cavemen lived back to 10,000 yrs.ago,explains why women wear make-up& perfume,cause they’re ugly&they stink! Who knew?

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Walked out of the restaurant last nite with an extra large pizza,homeless guy sitting by the door says,” I haven’t eaten in 4 days.” I said,” Wow! I wish I had your willpower!

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Teacher,”What’s the best way to get rid of blackheads?” Johnny,” the Ku-Kux-Klan?”

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Man goes to pharmacy,”I don’t have a prescription but I would like to buy some viagra,does it really work?” Pharmacist,”Absolutely.” “Ok,so I can get it over the counter?”For sure if you take 2

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Recent vacation,getting ready to tee-off,Lady comes running into the clubhouse panicking.” The wasps out there are horrible,”I’ve already been bitten between the 1st&2nd hole” Pro says,” your stance is likely too wide!”

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

@GodlyNations 13

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

You drive the speed limit so you don’t get a ticket.I drive the speed limit because I’ve been drinking&Have drugs in my car…We are not the same!!!

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Good news for heavy guys,if you’re fat,you can identify as Skinny-Trans-Slender!

[GOMAR @therealgomar]

Watching Disney documentary last nite,interesting history.Mary Poppins quit giving blow-jobs because Supercolouredfragilelipstickmakescocktasteatrocious!