john carolan

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

People who pop their windshield wipers up are posers. Not necessary!

[Chris Carolan $=1/∞ @spiralcal]

My brother shot an 81 yesterday on the day before his 81st birthday.
He missed shooting his age (a 5 ft putt.) by one stroke OR one day!

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

@jaycaspiankang @OsitaNwanevu Grenade launchers/Temple

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

Pat Sajak makes over $15 million/ yr. At that rate I’d like to see him conduct contestant interviews without a cue card. Let’s see some prep, Pat! @WheelofFortune

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

@PaulDanzer @oregonfootball Utah had three timeouts. If they had run it three times, they still would have had to run a fourth down play/punt.

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

@hythloday1 Estoy de acuerdo 👍

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

Imagine if Judy and bailiff hosted @WheelofFortune instead of Pat and Vanna. Major upgrade!

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

If @dominos actually delivers pizza in those driverless tanks I’ll order a medium 2 topping for dessert!

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

Rankings:
1) green lawn
2) green lawn (w/ weeds)
3) brown lawn
4) brown lawn (w/ weeds)
5) gravel lot
6) gravel lot (w/ used syringes)
7) artificial turf lawn

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

@therealmcbean ¡Mis favoritos!

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

This athlete is a mediocre Jeopardy host.

“Who is Aaron Rogers?”

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

It’s hard to imagine a scenario during this pandemic where @Pitbull didn’t get COVID

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

Um @JudgeJudy we can tell by your hair that this is a rerun. New content only plz!

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

Looking to borrow generator for @Jeopardy plz dm if you can help

[Toshio Suzuki @ToshJohn]

My @Oregonian column today about Portland having big ideas again 🌲🌳▶️🏢🏦 https://t.co/KKEeE03d9X

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

I’ve got @Dame_Lillard @JudgeJudy @senorwooly and @papamurphys on my Mount Rushmore. Who ya got?

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

@JudgeJudy throwing haymakers today that would make @LoganPaul proud! Kapow!

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

Anybody have any updates on the “puedo ir al baño” kid? It’s been 12 years. He’s probably 27! 🤯

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

@therealmcbean I guess @adamlevine set an unreasonable expectation in 2019 🤷‍♂️

[john carolan @therealjcarolan]

I like this guy but why is his shirt still on?