Real Katie

Just real shit. My life, not edited.

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

When you taking pictures of dude sleeping and the flash sound goes off. #creeplife

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

When you're masterbating in bed and you dog farts next to you and totally ruins the mood. :/ #dogmomlife #fuckyouimanadult

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

@therealphatkate HANG IN THERE YOU GOT THIS

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

If you are drunk at 1 am and can have a pizza by 1:30 AM you need to man the fuck up and hold it together for a half an hour.

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

I don't come to your work and slap the cock out of your ass.

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

@therealphatkate we are amazing.

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

@therealphatkate this is cray cray. Also cool. Also now it's very apparent I'm 30, stoned, and on Twitter.

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

@therealphatkate dude I can retweet myself.

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

I just shook cheeto crumbs out of the bag into my mouth with the fervor of a playa making it rain dollas on a stripper #cheetoslut #ftw

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

Yesterday I had a seizure and shit myself, but I'm really glad I didn't also vomit. #silverfuckinglinings

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

#fixed it

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

Fucking love working from home aka bong rips and masturbation and also some work sometimes maybe.

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

Suck my ballot, fuckwads. #activismneverdies #FeelTheBern

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

I accidentally just watched like 3 episodes of Hentai porn because I was amazed at the size of dongs. #hugecartoonschlongs

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

Anyone else ever get so high they forget to put the sandwich down before going into the bathroom? #eatingandpooping #ftw

[Real Katie @therealphatkate]

One of these days I'm going to download 'Couch to 5k' after a bottle of wine and not delete it the next day. #motherfuckingfitnessgoals