Rob Cee

I ain't gettin' on no plane, Hannibal.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

Best songs that order composers to do things:

1. Rock Me Amadeus
2. Roll Over Beethoven
3. Make Me a Sandwich Brahms
4. Eat a Dick Vivaldi

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

I like to think of myself as the Hulk Hogan of not being racist.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

I was considering becoming a vegetarian, but I don't think I'd be able to eat fish and chips EVERY night.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

*Doc Brown, covered in blood, finishes shoving a flux capacitor up Mando's ass*

Marty McFly: Doc, you built a time machine... out of a Mandalorian?

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

Tom Cruise movies are so unrealistic. You never see him struggling to reach something on a high shelf.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

It's not so much that I avoid conflict, I just lose the argument before it happens.

[Eliza Bayne @ElizaBayne]

Probably the worst part of going to jail would be having to make a phone call

[Good Kyle @KyleMcDowell86]

"Can I get a 6 piece nuggets?"
"We're out of 6 piece boxes. Would u like a 10 piece for the same price?"
*I do The Carlton so fucking hard*

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

Before they settled on Emerald, The Wizard of Oz was going to reside in Blood Diamond City.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

Clinton will admit that yes, he’s been to Pedophile Island — but only after getting shipwrecked on what was supposed to be a three-hour tour.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

Seahawks really losing the time of possession battle here.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

At the club, wearing my new cologne: Amazon Basic for men.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

I asked a fortune teller to read my tarot cards for $20, but she wanted 50 instead. I just walked away because I don’t negotiate with tarotists.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

Next year, instead of the ball, they should drop an entire location of Planet Fitness.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

George Washington, William Shakespeare, Socrates, Mother Theresa... several of these people had buttholes.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

We don't get to choose what people will remember about us after we die. Friends might recall a nice thing I did for them. Family might think of the times I made them smile. But if I could choose, I'd like to be remembered for all the really offensive things I've said to children.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

"Gonna be a little late, babe-- stopping by Kay Jewelers for a slice of pecan."

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

All businesses should have a display case of pies next to their register-- not just diners.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

The lengths people go to for a better spaghetti sauce.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

This is the most exciting thing Will Smith has done since punching Chris Rock in the face.

[Rob Cee @TheRobCee]

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up Adderall."