David Myers

100% satire.
That means I get to make shit up.

[David Myers @thesslazarus]

Dan Crenshaw, and all the conservatives, got all pissy when rep. Omar didn't use the proper terms to describe 9/11. Trump was going to meet with the Taliban during the week of 9/11 remembrance in the United States. I wonder if Crenshaw will call him out? #TalibanTrump

[David Myers @thesslazarus]

@ggreenwald Tucker Carlson spreads anti vax misinformation like wildfire, but you've got his dick in your mouth. So if you would quit with the display of fake concern, that would be great.

[Joe Walsh @WalshFreedom]

It’s not complicated: We’ve been at war. At war against a virus. And during this war, we Americans have been asked to step up, serve, & sacrifice a bit. Wear a mask. Social distance. Get vaccinated. Sadly, way too many Americans have been unwilling to step up, serve, & sacrifice.

[David Myers @thesslazarus]

@kylegriffin1 You mean I became Magneto for free?! Man, next time I'm just gonna wait it out until I can get rewarded for being utterly stupid and irresponsible.

[Shelby Kent-Stewart ™ @ShelbyKStewart]

I once asked my Dad why he was a Democrat, and without batting an eye, he replied, "If we're ever in a nuclear war and food is hard to come by, a Democrat will share his. A Republican will steal yours and blame you for making him do it."

Smart guy. I miss him. #LifeFacts

[David Myers @thesslazarus]

@AnaKasparian @EmmaVigeland Too much social media

[Nancy Pelosi @TeamPelosi]

Because 81 million Americans voted for Democrats to hold the House, flip the Senate, and take back the White House, our economy has roared back to life.

Onward, as our work to crush the virus and #BuildBackBetter for working families continues!

https://t.co/wUpyogAYAg

[Dan Rather @DanRather]

The tragic irony is that changing guidance on masks is ALL ABOUT the SCIENCE. Facts change. First they told us to wear winter coats and then six months later they told us to wear shorts.

[Nikki Fried @NikkiFried]

Because our governor won't, today I held the first of regular COVID updates to give Floridians the information and transparency we deserve.

This Delta wave is a threat to our health and economic recovery.

[David Myers @thesslazarus]

@PattyArquette Some Americans stormed the beaches of Normandy for the protection of others; these motherfuckers won't even wear a mask.

[David Myers @thesslazarus]

@Jebbreh @LuckyMcGee If he had said that the unvax would almost exclusively be the ones filling up the hospitals with variants, then he would have called it to a T. Ignoring the scientific consensus, but listening to some gym dude spout victim hood conspiracies - no wonder y'all are so misinformed.

[David Myers @thesslazarus]

@comte_becca @LuckyMcGee @AnnaGibbs0102 No, that is exactly what you're always repeating... word for word... just like everyone else who embrace anti factual conspiracy theories because the scientific method is too hard to understand. It is called being a sheep, selfawarewolf.

[David Myers @thesslazarus]

@DanCrenshawTX Interesting how the people who've lost trust in health officials are managing the outbreak the worst. Got any good inside stock tips there for us, bud?

[The Daily Show @TheDailyShow]

Hey @TuckerCarlson we know you didn't watch, but turns out we got the answers to your questions about January 6th

[George Conway ⚖️🇺🇸 @gtconway3d]

"Biden came into office pledging to follow the science, to vaccinate the country and lead the recovery. But he could not vaccinate the country against Fox News. There was no shot that could give viewers immunity to Tucker Carlson or Marjorie Taylor Greene."

[David Myers @thesslazarus]

@aravosis Democrats got vaccinated - that is due to republican leadership.

Republicans spread conspiracy theories, refuse vaccines - that is Biden's fault.

Fuck shit up, blame someone else. The GOP way.

[Nicolle Wallace @NicolleDWallace]

Thank you @PeterHotez

[David Myers @thesslazarus]

@dilemmv A Dababy is when you spend a great portion of your time thinking about guys sucking dick, but pretending you don't like it.

[David Myers @thesslazarus]

@B52Malmet Democrats got vaccinated because of republican leadership, while republicans refusing to get vaccinated is democrats fault. Goddamn, how I loathe the GOP lying swine.