the tiny spoon

venmo more like venNO

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

ate a weed gummy earlier and cooked a pizza at 15 degrees for 400 hours

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

therapist: do you know why you're so scared of marriage?

me: can't say I do

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

the eighth dwarf had to be slaughtered when they discovered he had no particular personality trait

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

sober in an uber: busy night?

drunk in an uber: I’d fuck season 3 marge simpson

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

I just wish a number between one and ten would think of me

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

I drank two 5-hour energy shots before going to the proctologist and accidentally asked him to wear me like a glove

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

area teens are mocking my catchphrase “betta watch them hams.” I’m friggin seething. they betta watch them hams

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

Everybody: shall I do a tweet abou-

JK Rowling: yes

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

@fro_vo Thanks!

https://t.co/Tq9YPpVOpQ

https://t.co/OUOW4m9sCf

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

date: your breath smells

me: good or bad?

date: quite nice actually

me: [leaning in] soap

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

@fro_vo Thank You!!
https://t.co/4oOftchOca
https://t.co/wFIJRFfzzC

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

sober in an uber: busy night?

drunk in an uber: I’d fuck season 3 marge simpson

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

sober in an uber: busy night?

drunk in an uber: I’d fuck season 3 marge simpson

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

@Woody_B_ @dave_cactus thanks!
https://t.co/ynOve5tC5i
https://t.co/ekjI7nW5fg
https://t.co/eVs3N50LgY

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

show your date that you have a spontaneous side by mouth kissing the lobster

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

show your date that you have a spontaneous side by mouth kissing the lobster

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

me: one hot dog please
guy at pet crematorium:
me: because-
guy at pet crematorium: no I get it

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

something something grape

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

@TweetPotato314 @Tommytoughstuff @Dustinkcouch @lexizinger thanksssssss!

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

avoid having to talk about politics at thanksgiving dinner by titty fucking the turkey

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

@fro_vo thanks!

https://t.co/EcJu9cIXDg

https://t.co/XbpyTT4qVS

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

butler: you know sir if you didn't employ me you could afford to eat

me: *climbing into motorcycle sidecar* to the dumpster, roland

[the tiny spoon @thetinyspoon]

butler: you know sir if you didn't employ me you could afford to eat

me: *climbing into motorcycle sidecar* to the dumpster, roland