Theunis Bates

News Editor at LinkedIn. Does words for a living.

[Acyn @Acyn]

“Special thanks to our sponsor: Coinbase”

[Ruth Margolis @RuthMargolis]

Kid 1: Who do you think is older? Santa or Mrs. Santa.

Kid 2: They’re the same age.

Kid 1: Correct! They’re twins.

MAJOR PLOT TWIST

[Theunis Bates @theunisbates]

@BrunoMacDonald1 This is the first time I’ve opened Twitter since the holidays and I’m not sure the “not as bad” slogan rings true anymore! Happy New Year, or whatever the heck this is

[Dr Rachel Clarke @doctor_oxford]

Gotta love the @ayrshirenews 🇺🇸

[Theunis Bates @theunisbates]

@apart170 Take one can of tuna. Open.

[Theunis Bates @theunisbates]

@BlaineGreteman I’m sorry sir.

[Siansparkles @siansparkles]

Tom Hollander’s A Life in the Day is quite brilliant.

[David Weigel @daveweigel]

Truly terrifying story by @timcraigpost https://t.co/R455XQsYPi

[Rosamund Urwin @RosamundUrwin]

Love this, from my friend @foxtosser forthcoming book, The Madman’s Library.

[Stephen Barlow @SteB777]

A Giant Tachinid Fly (Tachina grossa). This is a huge fly, one of the biggest flies in Europe, the size of a Bumblebee. I've managed to get an ordinary sized fly in the lower left, albeit out of focus for scale. @flygirlNHM @pebo22
https://t.co/GLHRQEnhgD

[Theunis Bates @theunisbates]

Me in bed, reading: Are you crying?
Wife: I’m listening to a podcast about mole penises.

[Ruth Margolis @RuthMargolis]

Tidying up after the kids and...

[Ruth Margolis @RuthMargolis]

Me: Hey kids, it's Father's Day. Is there anything nice you want to say to Dad?

The 4 yr old: I like your eyeballs.

[𝗧𝘄𝗼𝗽 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝗽𝘀 @TwopTwips]

CHILDREN. Give your Dad the best Father’s Day ever by just leaving him the fuck alone for 5 fucking minutes for fuck’s sake.
@Cain_Unable

[Jonathan Margolis @TheFutureCritic]

Anyone struggling with homeschooling kids might take inspiration from my report yesterday on the world's first mass remote schooling and its continuing success: https://t.co/LhTak0iWAn

[Stephen Volk @Stevevolkwriter]

Current mood

[Theunis Bates @theunisbates]

@RobynHitchcock @emmaswiftsings "Erasing Your Life" or "Light Blue Afternoon" please!

[Theunis Bates @theunisbates]

@PeteFickling @RuthMargolis In. Bigger. Box. Oxygen. Low. Send. Help.

[Eyewitness News @ABC7NY]

Michael Halkias, who promised to make dreams come true at Grand Prospect Hall, dead of COVID-19 https://t.co/Aww4Q7QSOa

[The Week Junior US @theweekjuniorus]

Get ready for issue 8 of The Week Junior! 🎉

On the cover this week, adorable penguins! 🐧🐧🐧Scientists have discovered that the seabirds can “talk” underwater, just like dolphins, seals, and turtles.

Not subscribed to The Week Junior? Sign up here: https://t.co/A573EHF2VB