Martin Longster

World's stupidest bottom burp?
Rick, Great Britain

[Martin Longster @theVax22]

@jeffries_p63117 @Adrianjbks @SuellaBraverman Yup... You're a 🤡

[Martin Longster @theVax22]

@Kristinartz Sausage.... Everyone likes sausages 😁

[Martin Longster @theVax22]

@travelingflying Thicker than a whale omelette 🤦

[Martin Longster @theVax22]

@OJoelsen Oops 🤫

[Martin Longster @theVax22]

@EssexPR Spassibo Comrade Adamski

[Martin Longster @theVax22]

@elonmusk Ever met a nice South Afrikaans?
Me neither

[Martin Longster @theVax22]

@drhingram Dr Shipman thought the same... Worked for him... 200+ times
Worked for Peter Sutcliffe too...
Fred West gave it a go as well...
It's a bugger trying to prove native Brits aren't murderous Psychos isn't it?

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

US and Iran declare an “immediate and permanent” end to the war, although experience tells us a more appropriate term is “hydration break”

[🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸 @Soaringeagle45]

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous….. A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. “Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
3. “Can you hear me NOW?”
4. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
5. “You know, in Alabama, we’re now legally married.”
6. “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
7. “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…”
8. “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
9. “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!
10. “Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
11. “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”

And the best one of all..
12. “Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?”

[James Melville 🚜 @JamesMelville]

Absolutely love this. A US police officer does keepie-uppie and is cheered on by the Tartan Army in Boston. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿♥️🇺🇸

[Martin Longster @theVax22]

@RedWoodyLFC @mikeerwydd1968 So you're fleeing to another country because you don't like your own government? Lots in common with Afghan, Syrian, Sudanese people then

[Count Binface @CountBinface]

There now follows a party political broadcast by the Count Binface Party. And tbh it’s a banger. #Makerfield #VotingForBinface

[The Exploding Heads @Exploding_Heads]

"Keir Starmer's not letting us watch England games til 9pm while in America they get to watch them in the afternoon! It's the nanny state gone mad?"

"What's wrong, Keir? OFFENDED BY THE ENGLAND FLAG? 😡"

Colin from Portsmouth is furious #fifaworldcup #worldcup2026

[Joss Sheldon @JossSheldon]

> Fred West killed 12-20 people. No riots.
> Harold Shipman killed 215-250 people. No riots.
> 522 murders took place in England and Wales, in the year ending March 2025. No riots.
> An immigrant kills 1 person. Violent riots.

It's two-tier rioting, isn't it?

[Iceland Cricket @icelandcricket]

The problem with Test cricket is it is just a bit too fast-paced compared to alternative formats like T20.

[Withnail Jones @withnailjones]

If you want proof that crime has soared under Labour then consider this startling fact.

In the 2 years that Starmer has been PM there have been more mobile phone thefts than during the 12 years that Thatcher was PM.

Shocking.

🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

[Martin Longster @theVax22]

Other MPs are amazed that he actually turned up to his place of work.

[Carol Donaldson @canadiancarol1]

Why are other MPs allowed to scream and heckle Nigel Farage when he asks a question in Parliament? The Speaker doesn't allow this when any other MP asks a question. @CommonsSpeaker

[Martin Longster @theVax22]

@jkwfncijw @CricketopiaCom Fair point. If the wicket was rubbish then the ground staff are at fault. But we're not in the 1970's with uncovered pitches... Just from a commercial pov, who's going to buy tickets for the 3rd day when 16 wickets fall in the first day?
Just an observation

[Martin Longster @theVax22]

@WG_RumblePants 16 wickets in one day ain't test cricket imo