thingsbradsays

We live with Bradley Alexander Oxlade and wanted to document things he comes out with

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

Dan: what do you reckon our neighbors think of us?

Brad: I reckon they think we’re legends

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

I hope she gets hit by a bus really softly. Just like 2 miles an hour, not enough to hurt her but enough to scare her.

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

Brad: Have you ever pictured anyone as your wife?

Mark: Yeah

Brad: Who?

Mark: Every woman I’ve ever spoken to

Brad: *snigger*

Mark: You?

(Pause)

Brad: Same

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

“She had a really nice tasting vagina”

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

“One job I always swipe left for, because it’s not a job... fULl tIMe MuMmY!”

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

Brad: Do you know what I wish there was more of in the UK?

Mark: What?

Brad: Genocides

Mark: Of who?

Brad: Pigeons

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

Mark: *cough*

(Pause/Awkward Eye Contact)

Brad: Lick me

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

PIGEONS

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

“So if I went to Hogwarts I would study like so fucking much so that I could become a really good wizard and just fuck people”

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

Brad’s @McDonalds order...

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

Brad: Have you see that porno? A threesome. One guy, the woman stretches the other woman’s arsehole, pours milk and fruit loops in and eats it.

(Pause)

Dan: No Brad I haven’t

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

Ordering a Smarties McFlurry at the drive through -

Brad: Do you do smarties?

Guy: Yes

Brad: Could I have some please...

(Awkward pause)

Brad: In a McFlurry

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

“It’s like the famous saying ‘if you had an apple, and someone came on it, then you washed that apple, would you still eat it?’”

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

“If I’m gunna have a heavy wank to something weird I’m gunna put the doorstop under the door”

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

“My dick and a little bit more on her head and we’re basically the same height”

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

“I just want to sleep! Stop wanking me!”

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

“Do you know who else didn’t evolve Pokémon?... Nazis”

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

“I’d say ‘I’ve got some meat you can suck on, and you can swallow my kids”’

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

Mark: Did you hear that screaming outside?
Dan: What was that?
Brad: Virgins

[thingsbradsays @thingsbradsays]

“Just smelling my dick, it smells like beer”