this.american.dad

#NormalizeDadlife 🤪 human/husband/author/SAHD survivor/mental health advocate/beer slayer/Dadjoker/creator: @ViralDads @GoodHumanToday @GoodHumanBooks

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

If being a dad has taught me anything, it’s that some of my worst days as a parent actually had nothing to with my kids... and everything to do with me.

Invest in your mental health. Get your mind right. When you prioritize your well-being, your whole family ultimately benefits.

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

Drinking a Youthful Moon by Bubblehouse Brewing Company @ Bubblehouse Brewing Company — https://t.co/HCQr4MFQum

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

🍋 New Beer 🚨 Lemon Huh?!? 😎 - Drinking a Lemon, Huh?!? by Bubblehouse Brewing Company @ Bubblehouse Brewing Company — https://t.co/aBRaQLDI2Z

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

Good City Great Beer 🍺 - Drinking a Home Lager by @GoodCityBrewing at @fiservforum — https://t.co/nwTHRmf1BL

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

🐄 🍻 🐰 - Drinking a Spotted Cow by @newglarusbeer @ Untappd at Home — https://t.co/ebdgv8ycYn

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

New Beer 🚨 Hazy DDH double IPA 😍 20 SECOND HUG IS HERE 👍 if you liked 10 Second Hug, you’ll love 20 Second!!! 👏 citra, mosaic, Amarillo and Mandarina Bavaria - Drinking an 20 Second Hug @ Bubblehouse Brewing Company - https://t.co/X0i75wyE4g

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

I’m a sucker for anything peanut butter/chocolate - this is delicious 🤤 - Drinking a Wild Light Blinding by @RiverlandsBrew/@mikerphonebrew at @thebeerandnow — https://t.co/BtsrG2dRXv

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

Finally cracked open my first 450. Fruity af. Well balanced flavors that come together nicely and somehow less sweet than I was expecting. - Drinking a SLUSHY XL Unicorn Juice by @450north @ Untappd at Home — https://t.co/z7Gba4XaE3

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

Suns out 🌞 patio is open 😎 come take advantage while it lasts 🤙 - Drinking an ALL TOGETHER NOW by Bubblehouse Brewing Company @ Bubblehouse Brewing Company — https://t.co/QqdCjvcV46

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

Minivans and SUVs with 3rd rows for kids should come fully equipped with those little sound-proof sliding windows you see in limousines and taxicabs.

That concludes my Ted talk.

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

You think you know your kid, then one day they tell you they hate Noodles & Company and only went because mac n cheese is his little brothers favorite food.

I’m shocked, a little saddened and also genuinely impressed he toughed it out for so long without making a stink about it.

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

Asked 6yo why he likes playing Roblox so much. He rolled his eyes, looked at me like I’m some sort of hipster-dufus and said cuz you get to “yeet newbs in obbys and oof bruhs no cap”

So I’ll be on urban dictionary for the next couple hours if you need me.

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

Let’s get married and have kids so instead of just arguing with each other all the time we can argue with each other about what is the right way to argue with each other in front of the kids… IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

No one:

*Dads during halftime show*:
“50 Cent…more like $1.50 aMiRite!?!?”

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

Wish I was as brave as my 5yo who just exclaimed he’s “sO BoReD” in a room full of unopened toys the day after Christmas.

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

Me: I will NOT put off Christmas shopping until the last minute this year.

Also me before Dec 24th:
*literally anything but Christmas shopping*

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

I can deal with boogers, play dates, poopy diapers, onesie pajamas, public restrooms, germy children’s museums, risky trampoline parks, bounce house parties and even Blippi… but whenever my kids get sick I absolutely self implode.

Sick kids are my parenting kryptonite.

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

Whoever said “when it rains, it pours” clearly wasn’t a homeowner/parent

In just the last 3 days dishwasher stopped working, car died, garbage disposal sprung a leak, fridge stopped working & both my kids are currently home sick from school

Adulthood: When it rains, IT FLOODS!

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

Social media is a highlight reel.
Remember, for every perfect happy family photo posted around the holidays there’s also a fam whose kid peed his pants cuz he didn’t know how to pause Minecraft and lil bit came out before he made it to the potty. But you don’t see that.

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

No one is more drunk with power than a young child holding a remote scrolling through Netflix.

[this.american.dad @thisamericadad]

Playing with your kids be like:

“Dad, watch THIS!”

…Ok

“Did you see THAT, Dad!?”

…very cool!

“No no no not that, WATCH THIS!”

Ok…

“Did you see THAT, Dad!?”

Repeat forever.