Thisha

[Mia Skylar @MiaSkylar]

“Eso es controlar el cuerpo es una persona!!! 😡😡”

Ahh, ahora sí que lo entienden. 🥰

[trent reznor's bush @thewhostellout]

i have really fucking bad news

[Sydney @sydneyelainexo]

i have socialized many litters of feral kittens and it’s truly hilarious how quickly they go from UNHAND ME to actually hands are pretty nice

[Lowkeyhurt @uhtriad]

i hate yelling. i hate getting out of character. i hate arguing. i hate being mad. i hate everything that makes me negative.

[ً @artfuIchaos]

the most attractive thing a person can do is genuinely be funny as fuck. like why are you making me giggle.. i want you

[Mish, Esq. @attorneymish]

Whoever attempted to hack my Delta account and cancel my international trip hours before departure and rebook with my credits, just know the universe was on MY side!!! NOT YOURS!!! because I just happened to be on the app and on a call with customer service when it happened

[Paris The Icon @_ParadiseParis1]

The fact that she went with him. Nobody is more meant to be together than them.

[Shay 🩷 @iamshay_h]

I just brought a bathing suit from a boutique for $70. I get home to try it on and the tag said SHEIN. The shit was $12 on SHEIN. You’re going to pay for your crimes.

[𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖗 @LucifersTweetz]

It’s pretty fucking disgusting that we live in a country where climbing the Empire State Building is a crime but rich people touching little kids isn’t.

[Dr. God Abeg ooo @josh_uglyasf]

She came in backwards so she can be surprised 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️ why don’t I get invited to elephant birthdays 😭😭😭

[sugamummy 🧚🏽‍♀️ @ceraliza]

Had the courage to give a guy I liked at the gym my number…😐

[G. F. Allen @AuthorGFAllen]

why the hell does Netflix help me spell a movie they don’t have??

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

Airbnb owners, if you’re charging me a cleaning fee, I’m not cleaning anything. Hotels don’t charge a cleaning fee, and I don’t have to strip the beds, take out the trash, load the dishwasher, or wash the towels.

Why are you charging a fee whilst making me an employee?

[Mia♡ @luxemiaa]

My grandma always said “toodaloo” instead of goodbye because she hated goodbyes. When she passed away we were on our way to bury her ashes in the cemetery and we were stopped at a traffic light. There was a red Pontiac Sunfire in front of us with a license plate that said “toodaloo” on it. I kid you not we all lost our minds and started crying.

[jezz @JezziiB]

My husband’s friend works in a Walmart distribution center. She says it can get very hot in there. But they finally have some decent AC. Why? Because the robots that are there now require cool air to function. Fuck the humans but cater to the machines. What a disgrace.

[alxndr @alexaldente]

This man is going on two decades of consistently proving he is an absolute piece of shit and it’s so embarrassing that anyone still listens and supports him

[‏ً @omgsidewalks]

“When I was your age, I survived a pandemic and didn’t leave my house for two years. You will be okay if you stay in tonight.”

Finally, we have a line to use for future kids 😭😭😭

[bel jurídico friends @rossgellxr]

é o medo de todas nós

[⋆ @lowkeyalbert]

The craziest thing about being an adult is that you can go through the most traumatic night of your life and still have to go to work the next day.