Bri

Crawler #42,998
Kobold Bard

[chelss @mrbbenchelss]

barbenheimer dunesday blah blah blah HUNGER JACKSON is coming

[𝕮 @XCzsnx]

went to my uncle's vow renewal and it was fine until the officiant asked "do you take this woman" and my uncle said "yes but I have notes." my aunt's face went completely blank. he pulled out index cards. numbered. said "I've been married to you for 30 years and there are some things we need to address publicly." my mom whispered "oh no" and my dad said "this is amazing." first note: "you never close cabinets and I've hit my head 47 times." the officiant looked panicked. my aunt said "are you serious right now" and my uncle said "I'm on card one of twelve." my cousin started filming. someone's grandmother said "this is unconventional" which felt like an understatement. card four was about how she puts empty containers back in the fridge. card seven was about her "alarming" true crime podcast addiction. my aunt just stood there. when he finished she said "my turn" and pulled out her own cards. had fifteen. first one said "you've been pronouncing 'chipotle' wrong for six years and I've been too nice to correct you." they read all their cards. took 40 minutes. everyone was crying laughing by card 20. they renewed their vows after. my uncle's final card said "despite all this you're still my favorite person." my aunt's said "you're lucky you're cute." marriage is just keeping detailed records of grievances and still choosing each other.

[piss girl @xtsygirll]

is anyone else their fathers female son

[Bri @thisisnotjecca]

Nature is healing

[RIOT! @PuppyGirlRiot]

Omw home sitting at a red light and the car next to me has a 20 year old white boy in it singing teenage dirtbag as loud as possible while sobbing

[Bri @thisisnotjecca]

Where are those teens who kept raiding the Scientology temple?? I have a hospital they need to visit….

[H20: 2nd Impact @I__HATE_SOCCER]

Genuinely fucked up how this is the one guy out there just not allowed to be president

[aquila @ 🟦☁️ @belllmonts]

"musical romance about a taxidermist who falls in love with the man she wants to stuff and turn into her human specimen" sounds insane. when do tickets go on sale

[Rhiannon 🏳️‍🌈💪 @UnionRhiannon]

Jimothy commands it.

[Alice @AliceBunnyland2]

Playboy just posted this on Instagram and I think that’s cool and important so I’m gonna post it here as well :) yay harm reduction

[🦎 L I S 🦖 @_rian_urphy]

anna garcia and demi adejuyigbe are lowkey thing 1 and thing 2 to sam reich’s cat in the hat

[rinner sauce @RinnerStrikes]

There's going to be a resteraunt that you love next to these and that's the only thing that'll close within the next 20 years

[Bri @thisisnotjecca]

I built this timeline brick by fucking brick

[Dr. Lucky Tran @luckytran]

In capitalist America, Taco Bell is our CDC and Waffle House is our weather alert system.

[🪄Zatanna Zatara @zatannannataz]

I worked my ass off at Planned Parenthood for YEARS for news like this. Incredible. Such an incredible bright spot in a post-Epstein world.

[Renzo™ @fwrenzo1]

I miss when "The News" was just a guy in a suit telling you what happened, instead of a 24 hour panic machine designed to make you hate your neighbor so you don't notice your rent went up 30%.

[Daniella @DaniellaMazzio]

We're so close to inventing TV

[I Smoked Lindsey Graham @BlackKnight10k]

Imagine being the Republican party and trying to hide the fact that one of your Senators died to avoid holding a special election and then a totally different Republican Senator died from karma

[George SJW Bush @acenter102]

I think about this a lot

[Cozy @cosyposter]

kitty is smort