Julian Lee

Dad, Maths Teacher, Comedian and DJ. Please check out @JulianLeeComedy. Also likes a bit football and boxing. Reforned gambler.

[Julian Lee @thisisshaft]

DJing at my favourite venue tonight. See you at No28 from 10-3. @No28ncl

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

That day I took a photo of a ghost builder on their way to work carrying their hard hat.

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

I’m sexually attracted to the glass sections of a house.

French windows?

No but I’ve snogged patio doors.

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

I was asked if I could fit in a shift as a poltergeist next week?

I said, I’m really busy but I’ll see if I can move some things around.

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

I was walking down the street when I heard a voice asking for spare change.

I looked down and I couldn't believe it but it was Henry VIII.

Well I sent him packing. After all...

Beggars can't be Tudors.

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

This is the ticket link for our next event at our new venue, Mosaic Tap. Excellent value for only a fiver. (And a canny bar to boot, especially if you like Craft Beers).

https://t.co/QHLm8EZd93

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

I’ve been playing darts with a Zombie and a God.

One undead and Deity!

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

When I finished the London Marathon I discovered my child had been kidnapped and there was a note from the kidnappers.

Ransom?

Yes and mostly walked the rest.

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

Are you hungover?

No, I'm average size. And stop pestering me on this walkie talkie. Over.

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

Hello people of Whitley Bay and the surrounding areas.

I’m playing this gig tomorrow. You should come.

Also, are any coastal-based taxi firms doing deals to Newcastle at the moment? I’m DJing at No28 straight after so need to get a taxi from the gig.

Cheers.

[Julian Lee @thisisshaft]

DJing at my favourite venue tomorrow (Friday) night. See you at No28 from 10-3. @No28ncl

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

I was bored last night so I did one of those ‘Which character from Friends are you’ tests.

Turns out I wasn’t on the show at all. You’d think I would’ve known that, wouldn’t you?

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

The man who founded Google has been knighted.

He is now known as Sir Chengine.

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

I tell you which rapper has you covered.

Warren T.

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

I’ve just carefully finished some prison tattoos on a boat on the river in Stockton.

I was dotting the eyes and crossing the Tees.

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

“I reckon I could suck my own cock.

But I don’t want to get a head off myself.”

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

How many old sailors use out of date cliched naval terms?

Avast majority.

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

Just had a chat with Elvis about supermarkets, Sainsbury’s, Morrisons, Tesco, Asda and Aldi.

It was a Lidl-less Conversation.

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

Of course the correct way to address The Royal Duck Society is, “Mallards, Ladies and Gentlemen.”

[Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy]

Somebody's not happy with the local bus service.