Topo Chico

if I'm tweeting it probably means I should be doing something more important

[g @_gdaymate]

I was at a doctor’s appointment once and the nurse asked me what I had eaten that day I said “uhh just a coffee and a donut” and she looked at me and said “like a cop?” and she honestly ate me up so bad I will never forget her.

[Marcelame @_Marcelame]

I FOUND IT

[jill @littlefucky]

My nana’s last words were “Sha Shabba Ranks” 😳

[Kali @Kali_de_Armas]

yeah i'm addicted to porn. por'n a big tall glass of wine! i'm an alcoholic

[cris die @criisdie]

cvs button announced to the whole store that i needed deodorant

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

the first prostitute ever was so damn powerful she was just like this pussy ain't free

[🗝️ @DiaryOfKeysus]

Thinking of my lunch for tomorrow

[Mr Before Turning The G​un On Himself 🇵🇸 @gay_horse420]

I have very long eyelashes and when I blink it sounds like bink bink bink. I'm very curvacious and voluptuous. I'm smoking a reaally long cigarette it's like 3 or four miles long, and my breats.. well you dont even want to know

[Eren 💋 @erenfromtargets]

pulled in mcdonald’s drive thru and the cashier said “welcome back”

[carter hambley @carterhambley]

if I was a baby i would pop out weighing 40 pounds, sing one perfect note, and pass away instantly

[Divarina Babbiccina @divababy_fun]

imagine going to the bathroom and some bitch compliments ur lipstick and ur thinking ur tuna tartare and then u log onto twitter and see this shit

[Zach @zjfrank13]

Daenerys Targaryen’s track record on Game of Thrones

[Brunette @mimizima_]

Gay Guy Music Video Night refers to the activity not necessarily the demographics involved. A group of women can have Gay Guy Music Video Night. A doll and 3 straight guys can have Gay Guy Music Video Night. The name merely honors the originators of the tradition

[Philip Debussy @thotmanifesto]

gay people will really just say a name and expect you to know who it is

[Grace @gracecamille_]

First ever dinner w coworker and she was like “I’m going to go cruising tonight” and i was like i dont think that means what you think it does and she was like “im going to try to find a stranger to have sex with in public”. Like ok that’s my b

[Marysol’s cocky cock @CockyMarysol]

“i asked chatgpt” “i asked grok” well i asked what if your son died?

[v @desertheartss]

she’s saying that shit from the depths of her soul omg

[⊹⁺⋆ ᴶᴵᴺˣ ⋆⁺⊹ @JINXEDNYC]

they all answered in under 2 seconds
everyones scared of missing a lorde call 😭

[aviva🧸 @TWINKXIJINPING]

i’m on hinge setting my preferences to non binaries aged 50-85

[? @keleloomf]

standing sideways and he’s STILL showing hole omfggggg..
just ran through and uncouthe