Threat Level

by @NoraReed

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Security Alert: Goth
Threat Alert Level: CHESTNUT

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Threat Alert Level: DANDELION
imminent risk of the power of love
avoid travelling to Tartarus

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Threat Alert Level: COTTON CANDY
significant danger of bicurious RC helicopter
please report any tiger to organic police

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Threat Alert Level: EGGSHELL
intermediate danger of fast thinkpiece

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Threat Alert Level: CARMINE
elevated danger of pudding

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Threat Alert Level: AMETHYST
low risk of polyamory

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Threat Alert Level: PEAR
imminent risk of medical epistemology with the strong electromagnetic force
avoid going to Wonderland

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Threat Alert Level: HONEYSUCKLE
severe risk of tentacle

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Threat Alert Level: PISTACHIO
intermediate risk of emoji with a head cold
please report any badger to eldritch police

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Threat Alert Level: TERRA COTTA
low risk of untied shoelaces

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Threat Alert Level: BROWN
low danger of land-shark pandemic
please report any slash fiction to department of emoji security
if you mush something, smooch something™

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Threat Alert Level: MUSTARD
high danger of brewcycle tour with magical powers

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Threat Alert Level: SAFFRON
imminent danger of all of your passwords
please report any gender carrying courage and pluck to deserted security

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Threat Alert Level: MUSTARD
low danger of oatmeal raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies

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Threat Alert Level: RUST
high danger of banana carrying the flu

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Threat Alert Level: VANILLA
intermediate danger of nunchucks
tourists in Niflhel should avoid muggers

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Threat Alert Level: BLUE
severe danger of kombucha invasion
avoid travel in Asphodel Meadows

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Threat Alert Level: MOSS
low danger of bad discourse
if you see something, peck something™

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Security Alert: Zombie
Threat Alert Level: INDIGO

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Threat Alert Level: FAWN
low risk of people on Twitter pandemic
please report any badger to fiery security
if you see something, hear something™