Michelle 🤍

Sometimes I’m funny.

[Michelle 🤍 @thtchicmichelle]

My sticker family on my car is just me with a bottle of vodka passed out face down in a Denny's grand slam.

[Ron Filipkowski @RonFilipkowski]

A Democrat should file a bill on Monday for everyone to get $5,000 checks right now to see if Mike Johnson, John Thune and congressional Republicans will advance and pass it. Call their bluff. Pass the bill.

[Jennifer Rose 🌹 @JennyGurlsWorld]

@acnewsitics Getting bribed with your own tax money is a hell of a business model.

[Alex Cole @acnewsitics]

MAGA, what is stopping Donald Trump from giving you your $5,000 checks right now? Republicans control all 3 branches of government.

Like seriously, how stupid are you to continue falling for this shit? At some point you have to realize you are being played. Right? Right?

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

The planet is 4.5 billion years old and somehow I arrived during the time that Donald Trump has been president twice. What the fuck.

[Headquarters @HQNewsNow]

Grindr is reportedly down in Dallas on day 1 of the Republican midterm convention.

[2022 Heisman Winner @vj_v_]

I have yet to see Lebron do this

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

Normalize cutting politicians off mid-word-salad and saying, “Answer the fucking question.”

[𝐋𝐞𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝 @be_like_legend1]

Someone said the most relieving thing for an ADHD brain isn’t extra sleep or a hot shower. It’s a long, uninterrupted stretch of time where nobody needs a single thing from you.

And once you finally get it, you realize how exhausted you were from being needed all day.

[Karly Kingsley @karlykingsley]

It must be embarrassing being as rich and successful as Google and still having to get on your knees for an 80 year old felon who falls asleep at work all day. It’s Lake Ontario, you clowns.

[COCO @TWOTIMESABITCH]

my therapist once told me “since you’re a good person, sometimes people will be mean to you because you’re a reflection of what they can't be” wow just wow

[senpai @Senpaisaysbye]

I genuinely don’t understand how we are supposed to casually process that a glacier literally collapsed in Nepal, erasing 19 bridges and killing over 600 people, because the planet is too hot. And instead of stopping it, billionaires are building more data centres. It is completely psychotic.

[Andrew Guidarelli 🌪️🛸 @a_guidarelli]

Hey @google I’d like to report an error.

The lake that borders New York and Ontario is an international body of water, and it is widely agreed by the entire world, except one rogue leader, that the name of this lake is “Lake Ontario”

Grow a spine and fix it.

[Jack @GayLaVie]

Hurricane Dolly taking out Mar-a-Lago would convert me from being an atheist into the most devout and sanctified believer

[Brad Polumbo @brad_polumbo]

@WhiteHouse Y'all actually suck so much.

[Songbird (Tadpoled) ready for Evercold @SongbirdN7]

Not gonna lie Big Bird I'm at my fucking limit

[Adio @Adiofreak]

Just saw an Instagram reel that said:

“At some point you become the age that your parents were in your childhood memories, only you don’t feel like an adult, and you realize your parents were still just kids trying to figure it out too”

And that shit just fucked me up.

[Aaron Parnas @AaronParnas]

I totally envision Trump renaming the San Andreas Fault to Joe Biden’s Fault, and I am just putting this out there so I can say I predicted it one day.

[MapQuest @MapQuest]

We're not changing the name of Lake Ontario. Name it whatever you want at your leisure: https://t.co/E2I0Ezd57W

(tag us so we can see your work 🙂)

[🍂 @Lovandfear]

There is a japanese legend that says:

If you miss the bus, maybe you avoided the accident. If you got rejected, maybe you were saved from the wrong place. If they left, maybe they made room for who is coming.

The universe protects you in ways that look like bad luck at first. Trust the detour.

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

We all knew he was lying about the Reflecting Pool. The problem is that he lies so often that it’s almost impossible to keep up.

So I asked AI to compile claims from just the past twenty-four months and then checked them against official data, contemporaneous reporting and independent fact-checks.

Here is a partial list of 86 lies:
1. He promised to bring prices down “starting on Day One.” Grocery prices remained high and continued rising.
2. After winning, he admitted that prices are very hard to bring down once they have gone up.
3. He said egg prices had fallen 93 percent. They had not fallen remotely close to 93 percent.
4. He said he inherited the highest inflation in American history. He inherited an annual inflation rate of 2.9 percent.
5. When corrected, he changed the claim to the worst inflation in 49 years. That was also false. Annual inflation reached 23.7 percent in 1920.
6. He said there was virtually no inflation during his first term. Consumer prices rose approximately 8 percent.
7. He repeatedly claimed he had already brought inflation down, including during periods when the annual inflation rate was higher than the 2.9 percent reported shortly before he took office.
8. He told Congress inflation was “plummeting.” Prices were still rising overall, including major household expenses such as housing, electricity and medical care.
9. He claimed to have secured $18 trillion in new investment.
10. He then raised the figure to $19.2 trillion.
11. Even the White House’s own tracker listed far less, and its total included multiyear pledges, purchasing agreements, previously announced projects and commitments that might never become actual US investment.
12. He said America was building more factories than ever.
13. He said factory construction was rising.
14. He said the country had achieved its highest growth ever. Manufacturing employment declined, factory-construction claims depended on cherry-picked categories, and economic growth was nowhere near a historical record.
15. He called the country he inherited a dead country. The US economy grew 2.8 percent in 2024, faster than every other major wealthy economy except Spain.
16. He says foreign countries pay his tariffs. American importers pay them and frequently pass the cost on to American consumers.
17. He said the evidence overwhelmingly showed consumers did not pay his tariffs. Economic studies found that American consumers and businesses absorbed nearly all their cost.
18. He said tariff revenue came with “no inflation.” Prices continued rising, and economic research found that the tariffs themselves increased costs for American consumers and businesses.
19. He repeatedly said drug prices were down 70, 80 or 90 percent. No broad measure of prescription-drug prices showed anything close to those reductions.
20. He said Medicaid was “left the same.” The Congressional Budget Office estimated that the legislation would reduce federal Medicaid spending by roughly $930 billion over ten years.
21. He said Americans were “not going to feel any of it.” The Congressional Budget Office projected that the legislation would leave approximately 11.8 million more people uninsured.
22. He said the Medicaid changes touched only waste, fraud and abuse. Independent analyses found that the legislation reduced coverage and federal spending far beyond fraudulent claims.
23. He said he had eliminated taxes on Social Security. The law created a temporary deduction, unavailable to many beneficiaries, that expires after 2028. It did not abolish taxation of Social Security benefits.
24. He said taxes would rise 68 percent without his bill. No credible independent estimate came close to supporting that figure.
25. He then declared, “I’ve kept all my promises and much more.”
26. He publicly promised at least 53 times to end the Ukraine war within 24 hours, or even before taking office.
Continued in replies…