bread again.

knuck if you buck | gone on a purple cloud | plf🚦| dB🍞| philos fam | nola ➡️ atx ➡️ denver

[bread again. @tiger_wooks69]

Lmfaooo I know some folks like this 🤣

[Trophy Husband 🏆 @Brian_onX]

My wife will drink enough caffeine to kill a horse, binge a murder documentary, and then look me dead in the eye and say...

"I'm having a lot of anxiety today."

[bread again. @tiger_wooks69]

When you want to stop thinking about someone you miss but can’t 🫩 <<<

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[Natalie F Danelishen @Chesschick01]

I have never seen a community note go so hard before 😂

[bread again. @tiger_wooks69]

I’m forever yours

[bread again. @tiger_wooks69]

Loser of the day award goes to this fuckin nerd

[Claude Taylor @TrueFactsStated]

I’m a U.S. citizen who will be rooting for Belgium tonight. Probably just me.

[Novig @Novig]

Belgium vs USA match preview

[Underdog @Underdog]

Waffle House locations in each country:

USA - 2038
Belgium - 0

They can't even compete when it comes to their own invention 😭

[bread again. @tiger_wooks69]

Zeds dead b2b of the trees is EXACTLY what the doctor prescribed

[Cranky Federalist @CrankyFed]

Your pub's flag isn't on the moon

[greg @gandalf_thegreg]

george washington when the british had a 13 colony lead

[bread again. @tiger_wooks69]

Distinct motive b2b caspa day! DUBSTEPPPPPPP

[Kentucky Girl @Notwokenow]

Congratulations to Taylor & Travis Swift

[Annie Agar @AnnieAgar]

ITS A BAD DAY TO BE A COLD BEER, A HOT DOG, OR ENGLAND.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA 🦅🇺🇸

[Kirk O’baine @crazysodomite]

Taylor heading back from MSG to her hotel in midtown

[The Dank Knight 🦇 @capeandcowell]

My family isn’t retarded enough to try to run over a fed so no definitely not

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

@FoxNews Mamdani has built nothing. He is a taker, never a maker.

[Paul Anleitner @PaulAnleitner]

The Sandlot has the single greatest vision of American life ever put on film.

This scene is what it’s all about. 🇺🇸

[American AF 🇺🇸 @iAnonPatriot]

Oh so Taylor Swift wants a wall around her wedding, but not our country’s border.

Lmao