Tim Constantine

Professional actor. Occasional writer. Amateur linguist and wanker. Dog-lover. Twat.

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@Inkyfool I typed 'merism' both times. Both times my phone autocorrected to 'mesmerism' and made me look like a madman. (Ha!)

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@Inkyfool Just started 'Elements of Eloquence'. Loving it, ta. I'm up to 'mesmerism' (like I say, just started).

Is Lizzo's 'Boys' an example of mesmerism? She likes big boys, itty-bitty boys, Mississipi boys etc.

Names 'all' the types of boys, while deploying assonance! Oui ?

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@DTDD_TOUR Hello, is this show going to be filmed at all? Coming all the way from Australia for a night at the theatre is probably not economically sound in this climate xx

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@DrMarkAldridge Have you slipped a cheeky Murder by Death reference in to your Marple book? If not, re-writes!! 😃😃

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@DrMarkAldridge Just finished your Poirot book, fab, thank you! Thrilled with the casual Clue communism/red herring reference xx

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@davcr Good morning! I was wondering if you can recommend any good books, in English, about the history and linguistics of the French language. I am only at intermediate French level, so unable to read texts in that language, but very interested in the subject. Thank you!

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@MicrosoftHelps Please just can I have an email address or phone number? I have wasted 2 hours with you "support" bots to try and get software that eas working three days ago to work again. Pathetic service. I realise you don't care though.

[Scott Bryan @scottygb]

This could have been an email.

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@DreyfusJames Argh fuck! Mine likes to put the ball under the couch, from where she can't retrieve it, and yelp at me until I get the ball and throw it, at which point she can then bring it back and hide it under the couch again. I feel your pain!

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@vizcomic Trying to buy a new copy of War and Piss for a Xmas present, but can only find pre-owned. Is there really nowhere in the world to buy one that hasn't been in someone's shitter? We've just had a fucking plague you know. Any tips?

[jaffamonkey @jaffamonkey]

#BetterCallSaul https://t.co/EiFvtynSmP

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@AmericansFooty Rotten bastards. If I were a cynical person, I'd say they care more about the profits from broadcast rights than they do about the fans of The Game. Surely not??!!

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@JasonHazeley Wordle swived you. Seriously, oddbad choice to use such an archaic word.

Twats (tomorrow's word, incidentally).

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@ScottThompson_ BTW, it's fucking great, and we're watching it on a loop, between eps of Conedy Punks. xx

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@ScottThompson_ Without wishing to incur the wrath of Lord Algorithm, I am watching on The Monday After The Weekend, but in the far-flung realm of Aust-ray-a, where time is bizarrely ahead. I can only hope my laughter can be heard across the Pacific Ocean. (Algorithms hear human sounds, right?)

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@SaraBareilles Sorry I'm on the very late train, but I've been exploring your music during the last (very difficult) year. You're amazing! Thank you!

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@neilgibbons @RobGibbons_ Thanks for the Partridge/Coogan interview. Lovely stuff. Made me spit up my eggs. xx

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@elonmusk Why?

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@daisy_haggard Back to Life. Oh Em Fucking Gee!

In a world full of twats churning out "content", you have made art! Deep, nuanced, empathetic explorations of human nature. And fucking funny. I applaud you, thank you! xx

[Tim Constantine @tim_actor]

@oldvictheatre I saw Mood Music in 2018. Weekday matinee - I thought all the teenagers in the audience would ruin it. Turns out they were rapt! When @SeanaKerslake slapped Ben Chaplin, there was an "Ooh" and a schoolgirl gasped "Oh no she didn't". One of my favourite "nights" in the theatre.