Ultimate Dirk

Purveyor of all things ironic. Tweet on the hourly when I escape the grasp of these miserable lesbians. (The male pronouns.)

(Ran by @atom1ctarantula)

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

OOC post from the buckster, king supreme of the ultimate dirk twitter account: i joke a lot about boy pussy and tits but none the less, if you're really gross and sexual in the replies i will probably block you. please don't take it out of proportion.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

Somebody tell Terezi to stop asking me if I watch hentai.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

You're not a catboy, you're a hope player. You're a page. Go eat some grass, dick.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

Just a heads up; if I ever act dumb, I'm joking. I'm 100% smart and know literally everything.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

Pee was never stored in the balls, I don't know what to tell you.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

I don't care for this timeline nonsense. Leave the temporal fuckery to the worse Strider.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

Why the fuck did they name it “borderline”? Isn’t nothing about this shit 'bordering' anything? That’s just mean at this point. My emotions are like the little ball on a paddle ball being held by an obnoxious kid trying to see how fast he can make it bounce. His name is Clyde.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

Jesus walks? More like money talks.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

Lesbians are literally the meanest breed on this planet, I can't believe I want to disappear over this.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

I'm literally sobbing. Every time I see the Gamzee vs Komaeda video, I die a little bit inside, but in the best way possible. Thank you so much for this curse and blessing; every time I show this video to others they act as if I killed God, but no, it was you guys who killed God.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

Sorry for talking about Homestuck. Do you still think I'm sexy?

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

Stop being a fucking martyr and open your eyes.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

Loser left his phone unlocked, everybody lesbian lovepost while mod is sleeping. -RL

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

Hypothetically, I'm iced up. Then let's say, for the sake of debate, that I am dripping. Freezing, even.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

The only thing that makes me transphobic is how repulsed I am by my own trans self.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

Am I the most fuckable person in this narrative clusterfuck?

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

Consider these gates; kept.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

We're all lucky I'm around to make those kinds of sensitivity judgements on everyone's behalf.

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

I wish I could be a girl in that way, you wish I could be your girlfriend-boyfriend. Am I pretty enough to lie to?

[Ultimate Dirk @timaeusdirkify]

There are no politics in space; only lesbians and trans men.