Tim Fancher

Comedian, writer and Kit Kat connoisseur. Studied at @TheSecondCity RT’s are not an endorsement but I can be bribed. Follow for more comedy.

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

Hey @Shell the transition from Citi Bank to Imprint for our Shell cards has been nothing but chaotic! I would use a different adjustive but I'm afraid @X wouldn't like it. Worst experience we've ever had! Never had problems with our @exxonmobil cards!

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

@DFWAirport is there any where in Terminal A where I can refill my water bottle?

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

When Saturday is your scheduled day to water, but there’s a “chance” of rain on Sunday, do you water on Saturday or not?

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

And now there appears to be a fraud @ATT @Uverse account opened in our name, and since the fraud account is past due, they won't allow us to upgrade our phones. And of course, they won't tell us anything expect "we can't help you!" What a freaking joke this company is!

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

Updating everyone. @ATT is the WORST company to deal with! Their customer service is a joke, and they don't really care about the customer. They just want your money! Hey @Verizon got any specials for those of us that want to switch from @ATT? Now's a great time to talk

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

@Jesii_ca_M It appears the study left out a word in the headlines.

Study suggests "Blind" Women May Be More Attracted to Men With Bigger Bellies.

There, I fixed it for you!

You're welcome!

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

Hey @ATT your wireless customer service is the worst!! It's worse than @UPS and I never thought that was possible. I called in to change my wireless plan & was on the phone for over an hour and now it's all screwed up!! Thanks for nothing!!

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

@NWSFortWorth Welcome to Spring!

[The Fighting Irish @FightingIrish]

From the family of Lou Holtz

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

Election Day

The day you’re glad to see a Texas Hammer lawyer ad on tv.

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

Can we send Congress an email asking them to list 5 things they accomplished last week?

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

@UberFacts All of us old guys do

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

I wasn't able to make it to an Ash Wednesday service yesterday, but I did spend some time with Morgan Freeman, who played God, so does that count? #AshWednesday #morganfreeman #brucealmighty #Lent

[Saturday Night Live @nbcsnl]

he really tried

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

They tested it on politicians and yep, 90% seems about right

[Fact @Fact]

There is a mathematical equation that can accurately determine whether a married couple will divorce with 90% accuracy.

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

@Fact That explains a lot!

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

@Fact *career

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

@Fact Start working on your hobbies very early because there will very a time that you’re burnt out with your job and your hobby can become your new ca

[Tim Fancher @timfanchercomic]

@Fact Not according to HR