Desiree

Dark Zadie bio🤯🤗💙

[Desiree @timi83178]

Staying in and making life better💦🥵

[Desiree @timi83178]

it’s giving replay button ✨
one watch was never enough 🤭
link 🔗 in my bio 💖

[Tulip 💐 @cutelipssx]

HR called me “unprofessional” because I stopped answering work messages after 6 PM, and I honestly thought they were joking until my manager forwarded me the warning. “You need to be more flexible,” HR said. I asked, “Is answering after 6 PM part of my job?” She paused and said, “Not exactly, but it shows commitment.” So I asked whether everyone was expected to do it, and she changed the subject. I went home and ignored the messages like I normally did. Two weeks later, my CEO forwarded me an email from HR with the subject line:

[LACEY @Lacey_xenon]

“Mom, you need to get a life.”

My daughter said it while I was sitting on the couch in my pajamas at 8:30 PM on a Friday …and honestly, I almost let it slide.
I looked at her.

Me: “Excuse me?”

Daughter: “You heard me.”

Me: “I have a life.”

Daughter: “No, Mom. You have a routine.”

Me: “What's wrong with my routine?”

Daughter: “You work, come home, eat, watch TV and sleep. Every single day.”
I laughed.

Me: “Sounds peaceful to me.”

Daughter: “It sounds boring.”
I looked at her and smiled.

Me: “Baby, you really don't know who you're talking to.”

Daughter: “Mom, when was the last time you actually went out?”

Me: “Years ago.”

Daughter: “Exactly!”

Me: “Because I've already done enough partying for several lifetimes.”
She stared at me.

Daughter: “You?”

Me: “Yes. Me.”

Daughter: “I don't believe you.”

Me: “You want to know what I was like before I became your mother?”
Her eyes lit up.

Daughter: “YES.”

Me: “Then sit down.”

PART 1/5
Me: “When I was your age, Friday nights were for going out.”
Daughter: “Where?”
Me: “Parties. Clubs. Road trips. Anywhere my friends were going.”
Daughter: “And Grandma let you?”
I laughed.
Me: “She thought I was sleeping at my friend Tasha's house.”
Daughter: “Were you?”
Me: “Absolutely not.”
Daughter: “Mom!”
Me: “What? You asked.”
Daughter: “How did you even get around without Uber?”
Me: “Someone always had a car.”
Daughter: “GPS?”
Me: “No.”
Daughter: “Then how did you find places?”
Me: “We followed Mike.”
Daughter: “Who is Mike?”
Me: “A guy who was always confident he knew where he was going.”
Daughter: “Did he?”
I smiled.
Me: “Not once.”
She started laughing.
Daughter: “So you got lost?”
Me: “Constantly.”
Daughter: “And you still kept going?”
Me: “We were young. Apparently, common sense wasn't part of the dress code.”

[Gold🤍🌚 @GOLDBABYO]

I paid a contractor $3,200 to build a privacy fence around my backyard.

Two days after he finished, he called me asking for another $1,900.

“There’s a problem with the property line,” he said.

I immediately asked what happened.

He told me his crew had built the fence about four feet onto my neighbor’s side.

I looked out my kitchen window at the brand-new fence.

“You’re telling me you built it in the wrong place?”

“Yes,” he said. “The measurements we were given were incorrect.”

That’s when I pulled out the contract.

[Tulip 💐 @cutelipssx]

I found out my replacement was making $18,000 more than me because I was the person who trained him. I had been with the company for almost four years, and when they hired him, my manager told me, “He’s new to the industry, so you’ll be showing him how everything works.” For three months, I walked him through our systems, introduced him to clients, reviewed his work, and even stayed late a few times to make sure he didn’t mess up something important…

[Gold🤍🌚 @GOLDBABYO]

My wife accidentally transferred $8,400 to the wrong person.

The strangest part was that the person refused to give it back.

It happened on a Friday afternoon while she was paying contractors for our kitchen renovation.

She meant to send $840 to the electrician.

Instead, she sent $8,400.

She noticed the mistake about ten minutes later.

[OMOBOLANLE 🤍 @BolanleStories]

My brother just canceled a first date because of ONE photo… and somehow our entire family ended up arguing about it. He had been talking to a girl from his gym for a few weeks. They seemed to really like each other, texted all day, and finally made plans to meet. Then, a few hours before the date, she sent him a selfie. It was a picture showing off a new cosmetic procedure she had just gotten. My brother stared at it for a while and suddenly said, “I think I’m going to cancel.

[LACEY @Lacey_xenon]

My manager praised my coworker for an idea I spent three weeks working on.

I stayed quiet…until he announced that she would be leading the project.

After the meeting, I walked up to her.

Me: “Can I ask you something?”

Coworker: “Sure.”

Me: “Why did you present my proposal as yours?”

She looked surprised.
Coworker: “What?”
Me: “You know exactly what I'm talking about.”
Coworker: “I didn't steal anything.”
Me: “The document has my research.”
Coworker: “But I improved it.”
Me: “You changed the title.”
She rolled her eyes.
Coworker: “We're a team.”
Me: “Then why didn't you mention me?”
She shrugged.
Coworker: “Does it really matter?”
That sentence annoyed me more than anything.
Me: “Yes. It does.”
The next day, my manager called me into his office.
Manager: “I heard you're unhappy.”
Me: “I am.”
Manager: “You need to learn to work collaboratively.”
Me: “I worked on that proposal for three weeks.”
Manager: “And your coworker took it further.”
Me: “Without telling me.”
He sighed.
Manager: “Don't turn this into workplace drama.”
I left.

[Gold🤍🌚 @GOLDBABYO]

I took my son to the grocery store on Sunday afternoon because we only needed a few things for dinner. We grabbed some chicken, vegetables, cereal, and a pack of bottled water, then checked out and left.

We were already in the parking lot when I looked at the receipt. Somehow, the cashier had charged us for three cases of bottled water instead of one.

I stared at the total for a second, then walked back inside.

The cashier recognized me immediately.

“I think there’s a mistake on my receipt,” I said.

[LACEY @Lacey_xenon]

Neighbor: “You called the cops on me?”

Me: “Yes.”

Neighbor: “Seriously?”

Me: “Yes.”

Neighbor: “After everything, you actually called the police?”

Me: “I warned you.”

Neighbor: “You could have knocked again.”

Me: “I did.”

Neighbor: “When?”

Me: “At 11:30.”

Neighbor: “That was two hours ago.”

Me: “Exactly.”

Neighbor: “It's a Friday night.”

Me: “And some of us have work in the morning.”

Neighbor: “We're just having fun.”

Me: “You've been having fun every weekend for the past month.”

Neighbor: “So?”

Me: “So I asked you to turn the music down.”
Neighbor: “And I did.”
Me: “For about twenty minutes.”
He looked toward his house.
The music was still loud enough that I could hear the bass through my bedroom wall.

Neighbor: “You didn't have to involve the police.”
Me: “I didn't want to.”

[Desiree @timi83178]

Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. Now everything smells like blue cheese and I cannot get rid of the smell. My appetite is dead too. I can never imagine eating anything ever again. It feels like this just opened up new realms for me.

[Desiree @timi83178]

| (f22) just had blue cheese for the first time today and it has rocked my world in the worst way possible. I ordered cheese and accidentally got blue cheese. I took a bite and I started gagging. I simply cannot comprehend something so disgusting has existed all along.

[Desiree @timi83178]

like kinda lured him into sexting he said he ain't in the mood should i be worried that i disappointed him somehow??

[Desiree @timi83178]

I had sex on 31st dec with a fwb guy but I didn't cum but he did as he was giving himself a handjob while i was nude the rest of the part was amazing like i was so close to tell him to marry me when he went down and treated my vagina but now I texted him ,

[LACEY @Lacey_xenon]

The manager claimed the camera in the bathroom was for security purposes”

Me: “Hi. Can I speak to the manager?”

Receptionist: “Of course. Is everything okay?”

Me: “There's a camera in my room.”
There was a pause.

Receptionist: “A camera?”

Me: “Yes. Above the bathroom mirror.”
She sounded strangely calm.

Receptionist: “I'll send the manager up.”

About five minutes later, a man knocked on my door.

Manager: “Good evening. I'm the hotel manager. What seems to be the problem?”
I pointed toward the bathroom.

Me: “Why is there a camera in there?”
He barely looked at it.

Manager: “Oh, those.”

Me: “Those?”

Manager: “We've recently installed security cameras throughout the hotel.”

Me: “Including the bathroom?”
He smiled.

Manager: “It's for security purposes.”
Me: “Security from what?”

Manager: “Theft. Vandalism. Illegal activity. You'd be surprised what happens in hotel rooms.”
I stared at him.

Me: “You can't seriously tell me you're recording guests while they're showering.”
Manager: “Nobody is watching you personally.”

Me: “That's not the point.”

Manager: “The footage is stored securely.”
That somehow made it worse.

Me: “Who has access to it?”

Manager: “Authorized management personnel.”
Me: “So you?”
He didn't answer directly.
Instead, he said:
Manager: “If you're uncomfortable, I can move you to another room.”

Me: “Does the other room have cameras?”
He hesitated.

Manager: “All rooms have the same security system.”
I looked at him.

Me: “Then I'm checking out.”
His expression changed.

Manager: “Tonight?”
Me: “Yes.”

Manager: “You already paid for three nights.”

Me: “Refund me.”
He sighed.

Manager: “I'll see what I can do.”
I packed my things.
Before leaving, I took pictures of the cameras.
Then I went downstairs.
The manager was waiting behind the desk.

[Tulip 💐 @cutelipssx]

My neighbor stopped me as I was getting into my car. “Seriously?” he said, staring at it. “You’re driving that thing?” I laughed. “What’s wrong with it?” He shook his head. “It’s not even a V8.” I looked at him. “So?” He sighed. “I’m telling you, cars like that are killing the neighborhood.” I thought he was joking, but he kept bringing it up whenever he saw me. A few weeks later, I finally asked, “Why do you care so much about my car?” He went quiet...

[SILVER @Read_Meee]

This woman has been standing in the corner of the furniture showroom for nearly twenty minutes.

She wore an old cardigan and carried a grocery bag.

Two of my coworkers had already walked past her without acknowledging her.

One of them quietly told me, “She’s just looking. Don’t waste your time.”

I approached her anyway.

She explained that she was furnishing a house but was unsure what she could afford.

Rather than showing her the most expensive displays, I asked about the rooms she was furnishing and what she actually needed.

[OMOBOLANLE 🤍 @BolanleStories]

My roommate is giving me the silent treatment because I locked up my perfume, and she's calling *me* petty.

I'm an amateur perfumer, it's my whole thing. I meticulously mix essential oils, test blends, label everything with dates and formulas. This isn't just 'perfume,' it's my entire experimental process, and some of these oils are pricey.

But my roommate? She just keeps helping herself. Using my expensive essential oils in her diffuser, spraying my test batches on her clothes.

I've asked her multiple times to just ask first. Her response every time: 'You make your own perfume anyway, can't you just make another one?' She literally doesn't get that she's messing up my entire experiment when she uses up a specific blend.

So yeah, I got annoyed. I bought a lockable box, put all my fragrance stuff inside, and slapped a 'DO NOT TOUCH' label on it. Now she's accusing me of trying to embarrass her and won't talk to me.

I honestly do not know what to do.

[Shenati ❄️ Snow @venZEE25]

Can I make you forget your lost ticket?